I’ve been having some health issues lately. As always, they are female issue related. I’ve been experiencing bloating, pain, and tenderness between my cycles. I suspected ovulation pain which I am familiar with, only recently I had a stretch of pain/general discomfort for about 3-4 days. It worried me, so I had that little break down I mentioned in my last post. I traveled to Ada, Oklahoma to visit the indian emergency room. Three hours later, they determined what it wasn’t and sent me off with pain meds and a referral to go to my normal doctor.
That was maybe a week and a half ago. Since then, Jake and I had a pleasurable trip out to Clinton so I could get an ultrasound done. When I finally got the test results back, the nurse told me that the results were “normal” even though I’m still experiencing pain and discomfort. She said just because they are normal doesn’t mean I’m not in pain, and then suggested that my problem could possibly be endometriosis and told me I had to follow up with my regular doctor, whom I hate.
After I found out about the news, I got a little upset. My boss recognized this and tried to talk to me about it, but I got emotional and had to leave the room. It’s hard for me to recognize when I need self-care, I tend to ignore what I really need and do what my id wants to do. I always feel the need to relax but never feel quite relaxed enough. I usually end up wasting a lot of my time smoking and indulging in false pleasures rather than focusing on what I really need to or should be doing to better myself. I should be indulging in more art and literature because expressing myself and immersing myself in words are both comforting acts to me.
Speaking of comfort, I started reading a pretty steamy story on fanfiction.net.
Thursday Night Safe Space by Magenta’s Nightmare
Andrea is a sex therapist who is married to Merle and best friends with Carol who is suffering the after effects of a troubled marriage. This is the story of what happens when Carol final lets her friend help her out. This is a Caryl story, don’t let the first chapter mislead you.
It’s pretty hot, and I found it pretty stimulating for a couple of reasons. I used to consider being a therapist in the past. Not just any therapist, actually. A sex therapist. Among my friends, I have always been one of the more informed and I have a way of making them feel comfortable enough to share intimate details with me and open up.
The work that Andrea is doing in the story is very impacting. You can tell she is passionate about it because it matters. She brings intimacy into people’s relationships and makes them more sexually satisfied with each other. Being sexually informed and practiced is nothing to be ashamed of. It makes your partner feel better and more cared for when you know how to treat their body.
I have desired more intimacy in Jake and I’s relationship. In these sex work shops that Carol and Daryl are participating in, I’m a little familiar with the material. I’ve read plenty of sex stories and information on the importance of foreplay. I have even been to one of the sex shops before. I unwittingly went along with my artsy girlfriend who told me there would be free wine.
We showed up to a class in a small boutique shop in the plaza district. It was artistic and feminine with pastel corsets and bras on display in the shop. The class was described to me as an empowering experience for women so I didn’t complain as she brought me my free glass of wine. It was a class made up entirely of women ranging in ages and the instructor quickly introduced the thought of tantric sex. (Read more about tantric sex here.)
Before long, we were on our backs on the floor and the instructor was instructing us in raising our pelvis up off the floor and feeling your sexual energy. It was a pretty wicked experience, and I would have gone to more classes if me and that friend didn’t have a parting of ways.
You have to be in a comfortable space to achieve it. It’s hard to ask for what you want when you don’t think that your wish will be granted. Often times, I know I can’t ask Jake for extra foreplay because he gets impatient and then it’s just spoiled for both of us, which is infinitely worse than just spoiled for me.
If I’m being completely honest, I am more than a little bit interested in a more submissive type of sex style. I love to hear my partner make noises or talk dirty to me to show their appreciation, but Jake remains frustratingly silent. He is forever expecting me to read his mind when it comes to what he wants. He has trouble communicating, but he’s not the only one. He’d like me to do more anal experimentation, and I myself want to have more adventurous sex, as in outside-of-the-home sex ^_~
We’re making headway, believe it or not. The other day, Jake and I went out to a casino night date and went to Riverwind. On the way back after an enjoyable if not lucrative night out, we found ourselves groping in the car and things turned steamy quickly. I gave him road head on the way home despite how dangerous it is. I trust Jake implicitly, I knew he wouldn’t crash the car on us and he didn’t.
As for me trusting Jake, I am reminded of how much he really trusts me. The other night, we were 69ing, and his ass got ever closer to my face. I am almost positive he wanted me to perform anal oral sex on him, and I chickened out. If I am truly going to be confident in my skills, then I think I did the wrong thing shying away from the act. I’d like to work up the courage to try it, but don’t know how I feel about really performing the sexual act.
What are my reservations? I’m not afraid Jake would be unclean. I suppose it is the stigma attached to the act. I have always regarded it as something no man would ever want me to do, and felt grateful that no one had ever asked me to or been inclined for me to try it. But I know from experience that when Jake did it to me, it was an electrifying and forbidden feeling that was definitely pleasurable. I want him to feel the same, so we should shake it up somehow and I think that I should try it. I supposed I just don’t feel well educated enough about it to move forward with my desire, so I’ve been doing some research. . .
Speaking of weird sexual urges, I have an old friend in my orbit again. I got my old friend Sara a position up at my job. I don’t know if I regret it or not with her work output, but it sure is nice to hear all her gossip once more.
She likes regaling me with the sordid details of her new relationship. He is all about her and touching and pleasuring her, but she is being a cock tease and not reciprocating very much she says. She says he’s making it really difficult to deny her urges to have sex with him so soon. This will be her second relationship and she’s still pretty burned from the first dysfunctional one so she doesn’t want to move too fast.lol I told her girl you’re no virgin, you oughtta give it up haha
After my first boyfriend, I haven’t really made any boyfriend wait a long period of time before we got busy. I’m usually the one progressing things along pretty quickly. What can I say? I go after what I want lol