Life of Recovery? Not so much.

ONE DAY AT A TIME WISDOM
Reminder of the Day from Al-Anon book

Sometimes when we hear of our loved one “falling off the wagon” or having a “slip,” we admit that we’re angry at the person themselves. We’re mad at them for wasting our time and how they make us feel—

That’s the trick, not letting this person and their addiction have power over you. Even as the addict experiences a relapse, you must remind yourself that you yourself are not faultless. Sometimes even I stray from what I know is good for me, and choose to do harmful things to myself out of wrecklessness. I have to realize my relapse is just as involuntary and forgivable as theirs is.

How do you think?

You Think Creatively

Your brain works best when you let your intuition be your guide. You like to imagine, speculate, and fantasize. You have fun playing with ideas.

You are interested in theories. You enjoy studying and developing them.

You are drawn toward art and philosophy, and sometimes even math. Almost every subject is interesting to you.

Speaking of which, I did experience my own relapse if kinds. Every couple of weeks, I start to doubt myself and think to myself that I’m tired of weed, sick of needing it. I tell myself half heartedly that I am going to try and quit. The last 5-6 days, I haven’t had any and the result is I am a not very care-free or nice. I’m sullen and moody. I can barely tolerate myself, hate being in my own skin.

I can’t blame my mom for trying to avoid the same feelings; for wanting to avoid facing reality. We do the same thing, just on different scales and I am realizing that as I spark up for the first time in what feels like ages. It’s amazing how much more bearable I find myself, and it was weird, I started looking up research on line for marijuana addiction/anonymous groups and found some information that caught my eye:

Symptoms of withdrawal:
More frequent dreams
Irritability
Anxiousness
Depression
Moodiness

Usually these feelings can persist up to 3 months since marijuana is stored in your body’s fat calls and therefore takes longer to detoxify from.

I was like BULL SHIT. I knew right then and there that quitting wasn’t for me. Jake even said to me, “You’re just not ready yet to quit yet, babe.” Because I was explaining to him my wanting to crawl the walls feeling and how anxious and upset I was. He said regretably that it’s normal for it to suck at least as long as the website said :(((( I couldn’t stand it, 5 days was bad enough. I don’t even like my after 5 days without it. My father used to tell my mother,

“Beg, borrow, or steal, I don’t care what you do,
but I don’t want to talk to you without it.”

I guess I’m the same way. More like her than I like to admit.

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