Weird Wedding Thoughts

It’s bizarre to me how different my world is now from 5 years ago. I was 21, and my best friend was Elizabeth. She was the best friend I ever had, and also one of the few people in this world to show me what real love is. Before she moved away, we were very, very close. She knew everything about me and loved me anyway. We talked constantly, I stayed the night with her a lot. We were very close. She meant everything to me. We had a lot of good times, and got closer than close. My overwhelming feelings for her had me seeing her simultaneously while I was with one boyfriend. He knew we were close, just not that close. I told him in the end, though. About my feelings for her.

Now, things are so awkward. She left me, and I let the relationship die altogether. I wasn’t interested in anything long distance. Not a girlfriend, not even a long distance friendship. We just stopped talking- she didn’t approve of my fiance, and I don’t approve of her partner, either. Jacob did drive a wedge between us, and it was ultimately right for him to do so. We weren’t friends anymore, but estranged lovers. I can’t help but feel that one of my exes has snuck her way in.

She makes me nervous. Perhaps it’s vain, but I am actually afraid that a past lover of mine will speak up at the wedding, saying those dreaded words, “I object!!!” O_O If not my blonde ex-friend, then my other ex Hakim. He actually tried to see me before the wedding- he messaged me on facebook and told me he dropped by my old job. I was never so glad he doesn’t know where I work now! I should hate to see him. I would find it very disturbing if he crashed the wedding to ruin it. He might just have the balls to do that O_O

Not that it would change my mind in any way. I would be more horrified than anything. If Hakim crashed the wedding, it sounds like a disaster. I imagine Jake throwing a fit, thinking I’ve been seeing my ex behind his back and the whole thing going horribly. Jake running out on the wedding before it’s completed. I am desperately hoping nothing like that happens, but maybe I’m just being too self-involved. Surely no one would do that to me…… right?

My other fear as explained is Jake abandoning me at the altar and humiliating me. But I don’t even like to speak of that =X I mentioned it to Jake, and he said he wouldn’t do that to me, that we would hammer it out before that if it wasn’t going to work. Everything should be fine!! I feel like it’s all on track!

Less than one week ’til I’m a Mrs.!

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