How is married life treating you?

“Not very well, I’m afraid.”

But you’re not allowed to say that, are you?

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Jake and I have been having a heck of a time in the bedroom. It’s terrible and I just don’t know how to fix it. He regards me as a cold woman and won’t come onto me. He has claimed that I always refuse him, which is not necessarily the case.

I have to come onto him every time, no matter how foul his mood. It’s even worse when he rejects me. We both know I don’t want to do it, but if I don’t “milk him” then his aggression piles up on top of each other every day until he’s downright hostile towards me and the tension in the house could be cut with a knife. I regrettably told a girlfriend the other day, “I should probably be worried my husband knows how much a divorce costs.”

*hangs head in shame* It’s just not going well. We’re both depressed and getting in each other’s way. He wants me to clean house and I want him to leave him be. He doesn’t clean house either, so why don’t we help each other? No, he’d rather play his game which is his form of escape.

But what is he escaping? Me, Us? Are we so horrible? When was the last time we asked ourselves if we were truly happy? We don’t seem happy. He’s always mad at me. His temper is so short. He treats me poorly. I’ve cried to my mother more than I should have about our state of affairs.

Sex is one of the root causes. He says that his only stress release has been turned stressful by me. He no longer wants to even try and salvage our physical intimacy. He never tries to woo me. We barely act like we like each other.

We’ve come to take advantage of each other, and it’s a vicious cycle. He’s mad at me, I’m mad at him for being so emotionally unavailable and unforgiving. He pushes me away and I let him, frustrated and at a lose for what else I should do. I know he doesn’t want to push me away, and I don’t want that either, but he’s so damn prickly it’s like trying to comfort a cactus. How do I soothe his ire when it is directed at me so?

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