Gotham Spoilers 4×17 Mandatory Brunch Meeting

wtf

FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT THIS EPISODE.

I am gobsmacked. SPOILER ALERT! What the ever loving fuck?!?!?!

Lee and Ed???????????????? My soul cries out. I was so dismayed watching this episode. Normally, I rewatch the episode twice when they come out and I couldn’t bear to at first having seen this travesty. She doesn’t really have feelings for him, does she? The way they were with each other suggested chemistry of some kind and I am absolutely nauseated. Oh, how the mighty have fallen~!!!!

I personally ship Nygmobblepot. LOL My husband was like, “…..but you like both of those characters” at all the distressed noises I was making when THIS NONSENSE came on the screen:

wtf3

Yeah, I love Dark!Lee and Nygma but TOGETHER????? N.O. NO!!!!!!!!!!! 

As a crime duo, sure. Romantically, NO.

I think I have made myself clear *indignant sniff*

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So much of me is a secret

When am I allowed to say who I am?

When am I allowed to admit what I am?

*My parents are drug addicts.

*I am struggling with addiction.

*I overcame my drinking problem.

*I have an eating disorder.

*I am emotionally disturbed; I need therapy.

*I’m part Mexican/full neurotic.

*I excel at playing the victim.

*I throw pity parties regularly.

*I take anxiety meds and badly need to address my depression.

*I avoid everything uncomfortable.

*I am not a good friend.

*I am deeply resentful of people who have children.

*I have female health issues.

*I am bisexual.

To find out who you are, ask yourself who you once were

“The thing about writing is I can’t tell if it’s healing or destroying me.” -Milk and Honey, Rupi Kaur (I fell in love with her book of poetry: buy it here)

Who were you before you got into drugs and alcohol?

I was a teenager. I don’t remember her, or maybe I don’t wish to be reminded. What was so bad about her? Weeping in bathroom stalls, useless and weak. Beholden to her mother, grieving over her grandmother’s illness. The family falling apart and being torn between everybody.

I liked to read. I had my friends over after school. We read fanfiction and traded manga back and forth. We drew and played roleplaying games. I was consumed by fanfiction at a young age, the heralding of puberty was foregoing playing outside to read fanfiction inside on the computer. So went my youth, reading Bulma/Vegeta lemons online (Go DBZ! lol my first fandom)

I took care of others. I helped my cousin and my grandma. Did I cry a lot, so much so that I hated myself? Some days I could not take it, the anxiety and drama in the house when my mom and uncle were fighting. My uncle rightfully recognized my mother was a bully and refused to let her push him around as she naturally did everyone else in the house; my Granny and me. We let her.

We were patient and kind. We were serene, calm, and forgiving. We had the strength to turn the other cheek when burned. We were always the bigger person, strong enough to say I’m sorry, you were right. Strong enough to let bygones be bygones.

Some people are more familiar with despair. They take it to bed with them at night, wake up clutching it to them for dear life. They can handle more than their share, not like others, no. Others would not be so kind. Only the meek and gentle are strong enough to carry such a heavy burden, to relieve other’s suffering. It is both a gift and a curse. You can heal others’ broken hearts, but never your own.

How to begin doing that?

Your own heart is an unsolvable puzzle. The secret to you is inside you, and you’ve locked yourself out with no hope whatsoever of ever finding the key. If you could just figure out x, y, and z, you could become complete and happy somehow. It turns out the equation for success is not so simple to find out.

Or is it? What is it that you crave?

Love and understanding, a gentle hand. Praising voice. The devil is in the details. How can you have more than what you currently own? To have something you have never had, you must do something you have never done. The question becomes, “What are you willing to do?”

What if the answer is nothing? Am I allowed to opt out?

The answer is no. No decision is still a decision. When are you going to learn that?

Game of Thrones Fanfics: Sandor Ed.

Image result for sandor clegane

I do not know how to describe it, but I have this great longing for and identification that I share with the character Sandor Clegane, the Hound.

I live for fanfiction. I’ve been reading quite a lot of Games of Thrones fanfiction. My favorite pairing is SansaxSandor. I’ve been diversifying a little bit though lately and found some compelling dynamics.

The thing I admire about Sandor is he honestly is very complex. A troubled past, tough outside, vulnerable inside. I’ve read a few modern AU fics that I really identified with- In The Right Number, Sandor participates in a 12 step program and Elder Brother is his sponsor.

Related image

I love Sandor. I love both modern AU and canon versions of him.

The Right Number by Hollandoodle

When a wrong number leads to a chance meeting, drama ensues. Heavy on texting. Sansa works at a children’s museum and Sandor is a knife maker. But hey, opposites attract, right?

He reminds me of my husband. Tough and used to standing up for other people. He is strong where others are weak. Sensible, knows what to do and how to protect. Good for emergencies, knowledgeable in all important ways a man should be.

Sandor has a rough side occasionally. Some people write more of his tougher Hound self, the self that died when Brienne bested him and Arya left him for dead. That was the Hound that Sansa knew, a man whose rage simmered beneath the surface. Good example:

To Steel by cornix

Sandor thinks himself a changed man when he leaves the Quiet Isle. In the Vale, Sansa is trying to adapt to her new life and second marriage.

Circumstance has forced them both to adapt to their surroundings, but will they be able to reconcile each other with the images they’ve formed in their minds?

 

Then finally, the story I am following currently;

Side Quest by Kittles123

Jaime Lannister has defected from the Crown and left his sister in order to fulfill his pledge to join the war against the undead. But the journey will not be as simple as it sounds. Jaime finds that the road north is paved with choices – and he will not be traveling alone. This story picks up right where season 7 left off.

 

Arya and the Hound

The Wolf and the Hound by Pawprynt
Arya and the Hound have been travelling together for several years now. The constant bickering is comfortable between them and they constantly are complaining of the other. However, as winter approaches, nights get colder, and life brings them closer together, a spark just might happen and make these two people who “hate” each other feel something else. Rated M for later chapters.

I recently read a very interesting story. I really enjoy the Hound in fanfiction. Sandor Clegane. Cruel and rough, yet gentle at the same time. I marvel at Sandor’s character. If you consider him solely from the TV universe, he really is a noble character in many ways.

Yes, he killed because his King bid him to. He enjoyed killing. But he also protected those who are weak. He had a heart to break behind his ugly, scarred face. The way he offered himself to Sansa and did kind things for her twisted my heart.

She had little kindness in King’s Landing and that the ugly man who tried his best to scare her was one of the best things in her life.

The story I read was an AU in which Sandor and Arya stay together for years. They stay together as travelling companions into her teen years. A relationship forms. I really enjoyed the author’s ability to write Sandor. I have seen it also described in the novel Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell.

Scarlett musing about Rhett;

“The most exciting thing about him was that even in his outbursts of passion which were flavored sometimes with cruelty, sometimes with irritating amusement, he seemed always to be holding himself under restraint, always riding his emotions with a curb bit.”

His love is intense. Sansa has thought of it before, the sheer anger that reverberates off his body. In the story that I read, he was quite rough with Arya but it felt so real to read.

He would rough her up but she knew he would never hurt her. He did hurt her though, he punched her once and pulled her hair and bloodied her lip. Yet at the same time, the sexual energy in the relationship magnified what was going on. It was a very titillating read.

Did some scrounging around on the internet & found one fan who posed a cool question;

Did the Hound care for Arya as he did for Sansa? One thoughtful answer;

hhhh

Read website here; https://www.quora.com/In-ASOIAF-did-the-Hound-care-for-Arya-as-he-did-for-Sansa

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

My friend is in a bad relationship. The first clue should have been that he is technically married. He is a long distance sugar daddy. I can see the appeal in not leaving him- they weren’t dating very long when she wound up with one of his credit cards. He sent her gifts to the hotel all the time so that it was obnoxious and made all the other ladies jealous. He treated her well. They went on trips together once a month. He was very generous and they spoke on the phone everyday.

It got worse, though. He revealed himself to be the jealous kind. He would call up to our job and ask to speak to her, checking if she was really at work. When she was out and about, he would demand that she take a picture of whatever she was doing and send it to him. We live in Oklahoma and he lives in Florida~ he pressures her regularly about when she is going to move out to Florida and live with him.

For some people this would be a dream. Only he’s not physically her type. She gave him a chance but ultimately his life style and decisions are not the direction she wants to go. She is actually a divorcee and just got out of a relationship with an overbearing drug addicted philandering asshole who used to tell on her to her father. It’s a miracle she hasn’t gotten anything from him tbh. Why should she go from one domineering asshole to another clingy bastard that will only make her miserable?

She can’t bear to break up with her boyfriend. She couldn’t break up with her last one, either. She did the fade away as described in the wonderful song featured above. It’s so SILLY! Not wanting to end a relationship because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. That’s hurtful, too, guys. Because you have wasted someone’s time who may have been happy otherwise with someone who truly appreciated them. Prolonging the inevitable only makes it harder.

I have had some messy break up stories. I had to break it off abruptly with the rebound guy I was seeing after my first relationship ended. I was 20 years old, miserable and emotionally vulnerable, and I started dating a fellow I’d been crushing on for awhile. It was just six months after my break up and I was still head over heels in love with my ex. I still had hopes of getting back together so when we got together one night, I took full advantage of it and we had sex. The next day I felt horrible about my actions and decided to break it off with my rebound guy. He’d been cheated on in his past so I thought it was merciful of me not to mention what really happened.

But what did happen between me and the rebound was unfortunate. My timing was absolutely terrible, but in my eyes, it couldn’t be avoided. The guilt was too much for me to prolong our relationship or tell him the truth.

It was the week of my birthday and his mother (whom he lived with) had prepared a cake for me. He had called to ask me when I was coming over to have some when I broke the news to him 😛 I know I shouldn’t laugh but it’s pretty comical to me after the fact. “OK, we’re breaking up and I’ll never see you again, but you have that cake to comfort you.” LOL I know I’m bad.

I told him I still had feelings for my ex which was true. (The ex and I had an amicable friends with benefits relationship after that, and we did get back together once but it didn’t work out ultimately.)

*~*

The next break up story came after that unfortunate fellow. That same summer, actually. He was a hippie with a thing for adderall. We met through mutual friends at a Pride event.  Our relationship took place almost entirely in the back seat of his car with the exception of public parks and bars. We dated for a couple of weeks. Our first date, he invited me to meet him for drinks at a bar.

That summer I was very confused and vulnerable, like I said. When my childhood crush came back from deployment over seas, I jumped at the opportunity to be with him. He came to my mother’s birthday party one night to drink and we hooked up. Everyone was very surprised when he came out of my room the next morning.

I was only casually dating the hippie. I did not consider what I had done cheating. (The hippie was talking to other girls also so he wouldn’t have cared.) My childhood crush and I were not exclusive either. It was a one time thing (that we knew of at the time). I don’t know why, it was somehow just something we both understood. A drunken hook up that I didn’t remember very well but cherished nonetheless. I later described this as “banging for my country.” It is the only charitable thing to do after all LOL

The thing that led me to break up with the hippie was actually minor. One night after making out in his car, he casually commented to me that “my mustache kind of freaked him out.” I could have DIED of embarrassment. I have peach fuzz but to out and out call it a mustache mortified me. By the end of the night, I knew I would no longer be seeing him anymore.

I decided to break it off with him where things had started. I invited him to the same bar we had our first date. After we had some drinks, I mustered up my courage in the parking lot to tell him the news. I was shocked by his response. We hadn’t been dating very long, but he started crying at the news! He wanted me to comfort him and it was very awkward. Thnx but nothnx, bye!

*~*

Fast forward a year. After a successful second long term boyfriend, we had a mutual break up. No drama. I found myself in the dating world again.

I stumbled upon a good looking cholo who thought the world of me. I met him randomly going to get my car worked on. He liked me a lot and was going to be respectful at the end of our first date. I didn’t let him, though.

I liked him so much and things were going so well that I managed to finagle us into a frenzied coupling in his big pick up truck. We were parked in a residential area as we got our freak on. I was scandalized afterwards when he threw the used condom out onto the street!! Haha, weird standard I guess, but hey! Hump me in a parking lot, but don’t throw the evidence out into the world for everyone to see! Plus think how inconsiderate that is of children in the area. Like be a fucking gentleman and put that shit in your pocket or literally ANYWHERE else.

He called me to hook up again, but I never returned any of his phone calls. I never explained to him what had so turned me off. He tricked me one day by calling from a different number and said that his friends told him I had “one and done’d him” lol

Sorry, the truth is gross 😛

****And these are some of my weirder break up stories