Are you cake or pie?

You Are Cake

You are sweet – at times overly so. You can be a bit overwhelming. You’re always ready to party, and you’re usually one of the last ones to leave an event.

You are there for your friends in the best and worst of times. You make anyone’s day. You are soothing, accepting, and totally comforting. No wonder so many people love you.
Blogthings: 100’s of Fun, Free Quizzes!

Today was a good day. I had to remind myself today before work that I wasn’t getting ready to go into my old job. I don’t have to dread work. Work is not a horrible thing. Work is terribly mundane, in comparison to the Renaissance.

I miss my old workers. I think about going by the Ren, but think better of when I consider how guilty I feel. My therapist says I have a hard time taking care of myself, like I have trouble giving myself permission to take care of myself. She said I have trouble putting myself first, taking care of my needs. I say I have no self-discipline.

All the time in the world for selfie taking at work…. I babysit an empty desk a lot of the time. . . >__>

Happy Thanksgiving!

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving for the most part. The only emotional outburst that happened was by me, and in the privacy of my own home. I love Jake, I love my mother, they are my family. But I still opted to make my mother and I go to my uncle’s in-laws for Thanksgiving. I wanted us to have a big family meal, and that was had by all. I assured my mother her home made chicken noodles would be the best dish at the other people’s house and I was right. It made mom feel good when they complimented her for home-making it.

Later that evening, when Jake got home, we went over to my mom’s house for our own meal. My mom made a full feast just for us, and her food was even better. I was glad to remove some of the stress from my mom’s shoulders this holiday season, not letting her host a real big family event when my dad is in jail and we still don’t know how long.

Anyway, here’s my master list for the holiday:

  1. a working vehicle
  2. a hard working man
  3. anxiety medication
  4. netflix, a means of entertainment
  5. a GOOD PAYING JOB!
  6. a roof over my head
  7. my feet
  8. that I have enough $$$ to buy gifts for people
  9. i’m not addicted to hard drugs
  10. computers
  11. writers
  12. warm, fuzzy socks
  13. the existence of anime
  14. I do not suffer from any deformities
  15. a deep mind
  16. diaries to unload my thoughts
  17. poetry
  18. gin & juice cocktails
  19. native american jewelry
  20. battery operated marital aids
  21. a large extended family
  22. the fact that I had a wonderful grandma to cook Thanksgiving dinners in my past
  23. the trip I took summer 05 & time spent with my Grandpa 
  24. control top pantyhose
  25. smart phones
  26. a boss that is my friend
  27. less stress in my day to day life
  28. alarm clocks
  29. sexy cosplay girls
  30. fanfiction.net

Work SNAFU

Things I am grateful for. . .

26. a boss that is my friend
27. less stress in my day to day life
28. alarm clocks
29. sexy cosplay girls
30. fanfiction.net

A guy spoke to me inappropriately at work earlier. He was laying on the flirting really thick, and touching me unwelcomed. I feel stupid that I accidentally mentioned the pig to my boyfriend. The pig was basically telling me, “Yo, if your man don’t make you happy and you want to fuck me, I’m open to it. I fuck other girls all the time.” Like what the fuck in that is supposed to attract me??

He was telling me how he always has a side piece and I was truly disgusted, listening to him tell me about his love life. Sounded sad. I didn’t envy him, or necessarily encourage him. But I see now by not saying “get the fuck out of here” or “don’t speak to me that way any more” I was not being assertive, and now he may or may not have the wrong idea.

It was very vindictive of me, but under other circumstances I would have enjoyed reminding Jacob that I am desirable to other males. He takes advantage of me from time to time. I guess I forget to make him want me sometimes. I don’t always put in the effort I should. And after hearing what I said today, that a guy was flirting with me, Jake got quite upset. I decided after his fit while I was chilling out on my own that I was gonna talk to Latta.

It makes me uncomfortable, but at the same time, it might be  better way to handle the situation. I will let my boss know and I keep practicing what I might say. . . .

“I don’t know that I mean this in so much as a professional capacity or more as a favor as my friend, but I needed to talk to you about something. I wanted you to kindly tell Travis that his advances are not appreciated and to cease and desist. Just tell him man-to-man Lacy don’t play that.

That sounds smart. What professional repercussions will come from my decision? I know I’m not out of line, he was entirely too forward and he made me uncomfortable. I would prefer for him to stay away from me. Latta can kindly relay that without me having to be a cold-ass bitch.

Am I behaving stupidly by reporting it? Am I behaving like a grown woman who can’t tell a man to buzz off? Am I being weak and stupid? I just don’t like to be mean. But I should have told him to step the fuck off. I didn’t act interested, but I didn’t tell him to stop either. I should have, I see that now. What’s weird is he’s even older than my boyfriend, closer to my mom’s age, and I’m weirded out O_o

I’m like jesus he says he’s 40, I’m not interested, and I was clear about the fact that I’m practically married. I want to be married, I am done beating around the bush. I want Jacob and him only, and I want him to see that.

We’ll see what happens tomorrow.

Post Secret of the Week:
fakingit

Snoresville

The new job is so dull I could cry. At the same time, it’s much better to be in want for things to do than overloaded and over stressed. My old boss Ivy found out about the job switch and had little to say to me. Sorry, you weren’t making me happy, I have taken my marketable skills elsewhere. And they’re boring me OUTTA MY MIND.

But like I said, I needed to slow down anyway.

Things I am grateful for. . .
21. a large extended family
22. the fact that I had a wonderful grandma to cook Thanksgiving dinners in my past
23. the trip I took summer 05 & time spent with my Grandpa 
24. control top pantyhose
25. smart phones

American Horror Story Freak Show

You Are 75% Burned Out

You are very burned out. You need a huge break from your responsibilities, starting as soon as possible.

And you need this time to reevaluate what you really want out of your life.

Because you’re working hard and going no where… and that would burn anyone out!

You Are a Creative Worker

You are a very personally expressive person, especially outside of work. Your individuality matters to you.

You draw a lot of inspiration and energy from your own internal world. You get bored easily around other people.

You are confident and competent. You tend to not make mistakes, and you trust your judgment.

You are down to earth and practical. You achieve success one step at a time, by paying attention to details.

Things that I am grateful for. . .
16. diaries to unload my thoughts
17. poetry
18. gin & juice cocktails
19. native american jewelry
20. battery operated marital aids
You Are Deep

You like to have fun, but you aren’t a big fan of frivolity. You object to too much silliness.
You are quite intellectual and thoughtful. You get a lot of satisfaction from doing important work.

You are steady and consistent. You find it easy to commit to projects and people.
You don’t let your emotions decide for you. You follow your head, not your heart.

You Will Die at Age 64

You’re pretty average when it comes to how you live…  And how you’ll die as well.

 American Horror Story: Freak Show
This season was quite disturbing for me. It still doesn’t top season 2 to me though with its gruesomeness. I was more so upset by how easy it was for all of them to turn to killing. The clown was horrible O_O 😦 D:

I never did ship Jimmy/Maggie. Never liked her character. I think that of all the actors Jessica Lange has been my favorite spanning all the seasons. She always plays the most compelling characters. While I really enjoyed her playing Sister Jude in season 2, I think Freak Show’s Elsa Mars has won me over as my favorite character that she has played thus far.
As for other characters, I will admit I liked the Twins and also Ma Petite. So adorable. Ma Petite, not the twins, as that computer trick was quite disturbing to look upon. I’ve always enjoyed Sarah Paulson’s work in the series. My hat goes off to her with the work she did playing twins. If you’ll notice, it seems the twins have polar opposite feelings and facial expressions at any given time so she had to exercise twice as much work it almost seems.
I most enjoyed her work in season 2 though, as Lana Winters the woman who conquered Bloodyface. She was so brave and her tale so harrowing. She’s so pretty 🙂 And the end of season 2 was pretty bad ass when she shot her deranged son. spoiler alert! lol (did I not mention that?)
Anyway, enjoy this AHS playlist:

Fun Fact: Prior to the season starting, creator Ryan Murphy revealed four of the acts whose music pops up on Freak Show. “We’re only doing songs by artists who have self-identified as freaks,” Murphy said. “That they felt different. David Bowie said yes to that, Lana Del Rey said yes to that, Kurt Cobain’s daughter said yes to that, Fiona Apple approved that. That for me was the theme of the season, so we went for it.”

Things I am grateful for…
11. writers
12. warm, fuzzy socks
13. the existence of anime
14. I do not suffer from any deformities
15. a deep mind

The new job is going pretty well. It is wonderful to work beside Latta once more. My therapist said that I consider my boss ‘nurturing’ and I would have to agree, as weird as that sounds. Latta has always been a considerate, benevolent leader. He does well in his field, and he is a respectable figure. I count myself lucky, and the work is so EASY I find it a little dull. But I’d rather it be dull than my skull on fire and wishing I could die standing at the Renaissance.

My depression is still something I am struggling with. I stopped taking my medication because I don’t know which I should be on; anxiety or depression because I have both. Yesterday I spent a large chunk of the day with my mother and I wasn’t happy about it. We were supposed to be hearing Johnny’s sentence, but nothing happened. He never made an appearance because they deal they offered him was 20 to life. He wouldn’t accept, so they will reconvene on December 8th. Just longer for him to stay in jail. I felt bitter and upset thinking about my dad.

I could have spent more time with him before he went away, but did he even deserve my time? Part of me wonders if I had given more of myself to him, invested more effort, if perhaps he would still make the same decisions. I feel guilty because I can’t face my parent’s drug addiction, I try to lie to myself and say they’re okay by willfully not paying them any attention. Leave them to their own filthy habits, I thought.

But seeing my mother drowning like she is in a sea of despair makes even more guilt and sorrow grow in my heart. I can hear my dead grandma calling to me, insisting that I should be trying harder, and I find myself begging her to leave me alone, don’t make me undertake this huge responsibility. I can’t make my mother get off drugs, I do not have the time to dedicate to her problem.

I am plagued with thoughts of her untimely demise. Drugs and the company she is keeping will wind her up dead, and I am helpless but to imagine I will be the one to discover her, or my uncle, a dead body in the living room and all her personal possessions stolen by meth heads she called friends.

What am I supposed to do?

OUAT spoilers

*sound of me sobbing*

is all that can be heard at the end of 5×08 T___T

a.k.a. speculations on dark!Hook

“Oncers, do you think Hook’s promise still holds true?”

I saw an article on the internet with this picture and caption and nearly burst into tears. I had such intense fangirl feels during the whole episode. The multiple shots of the cute couple together were so heart warming. You can ask my boyfriend, I could be found making loud sounds of discomfort as my soul died a little over Hook’s last words: “So much for our future, Swan.”

*sobs*

I always loved Captain Swan because Hook was so freaking in love. His love was burning strong like a flame, his love although his character was not always was so righteous and true. The hair on the back of my neck stood up when he told Emma back in Neverland [“and when I win your heart, it will be because you want me”] -paraphrase- and the scene when they said good-bye at the 3b finale? *swoons*

I just can’t stand that Hook doesn’t love Emma!! It’s awful. I wish his promise could be true, but at the same time, it is pretty awful what she has done. Turned him into something he’s spent his whole life trying to either kill or avoid; the dark one and his own darkness. I must admit I wasn’t expecting it!! But I have faith that Emma & Killian could defeat the darkness together. I don’t think he should be so mad, he shouldn’t leave her. They should do what it takes to banish the darkness from both of them.

Things I am grateful for:

6. a roof over my head
7. my feet
8. that I have enough $$$ to buy gifts for people
9. i’m not addicted to hard drugs
10. computers