Tag: death

Eve of the Game of Thrones Premier

Most Likely to Survive

  • Bronn
  • Sansa Stark
  • Arya Stark
  • Tyrion Lannister
  • Davos
  • Missandei
  • Sam
  • Gilly
  • Sam Jr

Most Likely to Bite It Big Time

  • Jorah Mormont
  • Greyworm
  • Cersei Lannister
  • Melisandre
  • Varys
  • The Mountain
  • Qyburn
  • Theon Greyjoy
  • The Night King

To Be Determined Fates Hanging in the Balance

  • Daenerys
  • Jon Snow
  • Tormund
  • Brienne of Tarth
  • Jaime Lannister
  • Sandor Clegane
  • Gendry Waters
  • Yara Greyjoy
  • Bran Stark
  • Meera Reed
  • Podrick Payne

 

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Daenerys- As much as I adore the character of Daenerys, I’m not quite certain she’s going to make it through to the end. In my wildest fantasies, she becomes pregnant with Jon’s child. But this is the Game of Thrones, and I can’t help but think Dany is not going to get what she wants, nay, burns for. I half-way believe that Jon will have to kill her to fulfill the Azor Ahai prophecy. Either that, or she is going to have to sacrifice Drogon in some manner.

Jon Snow- I’m equally unconvinced that Jon is going to live. He was brought back to life by Melisandre to fulfill a purpose, and I believe that will be to kill the Night King. But once he achieves his purpose, who is to say that he will live after that?? Perhaps he will be free to rest in peace once the prophecy is fulfilled and the long night is over again. I 75% have a gut feeling he will make it to the end, but I’m not sure.

Tormund- Since this is Game of Thrones, I can’t help but think of something tragic happening to one of my favorite characters. I don’t think he died in the Wall’s destruction, but that doesn’t make him safe. I believe he might sacrifice himself for Brienne. Or he might go down in the Final Battle somehow

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Brienne of Tarth- Speaking of Brienne, I am half way convinced she is going to make it through to the end. After all, she is an excellent fighter. She beat the Hound! I am 85% sure she is going to make it. There is no reason to be so optimistic, I just don’t want her to be dead.

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Jaime Lannister- I wouldn’t put it past Jaime to sacrifice himself in the end. He will do some foolishly brave thing as his last act. He might help them some in some epic way. I could see his fate going either way. After such an immersive redemptive arc, it might not be too far a stretch that they might want him to outlive his reputation as the Kingslayer. Or to give his reputation a new meaning?!

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Sandor Clegane- I want Sandor to win the Cleganebowl. I don’t want him to die in the process. I could see him sacrificing himself for either of the Stark girls. He might die in the Final Battle, because he is not going to do well in it. With the dragons present, there is going to be a lot of flaming wights and soldiers alike going on. He might freeze up and end up the worst for it. I half way don’t expect him to make it through the end. He was instrumental to Azor Ahai’s prophecy however so perhaps there is hope for him yet.

Gendry Waters- I could unfortunately see Gendry falling during the Final Battle. I do not have the most trust in his fighting abilities. He might be able to swing that axe ably, but I think he lacked battle experience. He might be too green and get himself killed in the Final Battle. I feel 64% he won’t make it through to the end.

Yara Greyjoy- I see Yara being rescued by Theon, or almost(!) This is Game of Thrones after all. I could see something tragic befalling both the Greyjoy siblings in Theon’s attempt to save her. Maybe neither one of them will make it out of it alive. I feel 35% certain she might die.

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Bran Stark- I want Bran to warg into Viserion more than anything. It might cost him his life, but so be it. I don’t think I see the Three Eyed Raven making it through to the end. Maybe. Then again, he is the Three Eyed Raven, so perhaps he will find a way to go live beyond the wall in the End and go be part of that old tree like his predecessor. I feel 73% he’ll live.

Meera Reed- I can’t imagine she wouldn’t be part of the Final Battle. I want to believe she would live, but I can’t be sure. I think she’s more likely to live than to die. She survived beyond the wall, after all.

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Podrick Payne- I very much want Pod to go on. That is why I fear for his safety. I’m unconvinced he’ll make it through to the end. I’d give him a 50/50 chance of living. He might sacrifice himself for Brienne or Tyrion or Bronn. Or he might just fall in battle in the Final Battle. In my heart of hearts, I’d like to see him knighted.

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Stranger and Stranger Still

My mother recently called me and informed me that one of her closest friends had committed suicide. She found out the day after it happened- just after the Fourth of July. We will call my mom’s friend Shirley* to protect her identity. A family friend called my mother and told her what happened.

Shirley and her family went to a party to celebrate the Fourth. Shirley was happily married with a son about to be married. His fiance was a blonde girl with two mixed children, a little girl and a little boy. They all lived together at Shirley’s house and the daughter followed Shirley around like a shadow.

It turned out to be a shadow that haunted her. Shirley lost a child twenty years ago. She had cared for and utterly adored a special needs little girl for eight years of her life before she regrettably passed. They say that she had been speaking about her deceased daughter more often lately. She was going through menopause and her mother said she suffered from depression.

Even so, no one expected what happened from her. There was an altercation between Shirley and another woman and they left the party. Everyone went back home. Shirley said she had to go to the bathroom, and asked the little daughter to stay in the living room with everyone else, she’d be right back.

She went down the hall to their bedroom. She collected a shotgun her son had gifted her and wordlessly carried it with her to the bathroom. No one noticed anything until they heard the shot.

Her body fell against the door. Her son had to hack at the door and break it to get to his mother. There was nothing they could do, no help to get. She was gone. Her mother-in-law and sister-in-law came to clean up the mess. Everyone was shocked and grief stricken.

My mother said it didn’t sound like her, she couldn’t believe it. I caught my mother in the throes of denial. She half way wondered if there could have been foul play. It was so utterly unlike Shirley to do this to her family. Her son was supposed to be wed the very next month. The family friend said that her husband was in shock and that her son was angry beyond belief. Who could blame him? My mother insightfully said, “But you know what? Being mad at her is probably what’s going to be what gets him through this.”

When we went to the Celebration for Her Life, I was touched by the amount of people gathered. There were well over a hundred people there. Her death touched so many people. Suicide robs everyone of you. It is so horrible. I know no one knows the pain she was in, but to see all her loved ones gathered makes you think about how you can’t take them for granted.

That’s what I was thinking as I sat next to my mother and squeezed her hand. But even as tears dripped down my face, they weren’t for Shirley. I was secretly terrified the same thing could happen to my own mother.  She lost her son. What if she broke one day, too?

Afterwards in the card, I even told her, “Don’t you dare ever do this to me.”

My summer has been saturated in death and mortality. So many griefs and shocks. My cousin passed away. We found out my Grandpa has cancer. My mother has been pressuring me to talk to my dad for her and I can’t bear the rejection of him not speaking to me. He can ignore her all he wants, but God forbid I try and he doesn’t. The fear of rejection is strong. I couldn’t find the words to tell her that.

My birthday was an affair to remember. The week leading up to it I was a bundle of raw nerves. All I could anticipate was based on past experience and generally my birthdays include crying at some point. Not Happy Tears. I lived in fear of my husband’s temper and belittling attitude and cried in dread of the day. I cried to my mother that I didn’t want to be alone with him because he’s so insensitive and I can be so fucking fragile.

Doesn’t sound like a happy marriage, does it? I have always struggled to get the respect I deserve. I actually specifically asked my husband to be nice to me on my birthday. I just said he always found a reason to yell at me on that day and it would be nice if he didn’t this year. He miraculously didn’t. He loves me, I know he was trying. I guess he actually listened for once.

After the debacle that was my birthday, we had another hurdle to jump as a family. Or so I thought. Toby’s birthday came so shortly after his passing, but we were all supposed to spend it together. It wouldn’t turn out that way.

On his birthday, I called my uncle and he informed me that my mother wasn’t invited anymore. His wife struggled with drug addiction in the past and now she had been found out again. She relapsed and blamed it on my mother. Yes, my mother had a part in it. But she was to blame also for imploding the family dynamic.

Now relationships are strained and we still haven’t all agreed to be in person yet. My mother and aunt had been healing old wounds before. My mother used to hate my aunt more than anyone and they were becoming friends over my cousin’s illness. Now that has been ruined again. My uncle is barely speaking to my mother. Rightfully so.

In tandem with this secret family drama, there is other family drama afoot. My Grandpa has the misfortune of getting diagnosed with cancer shortly after admitting to a life of lies with his wife.

My Grandpa cheated on her. She was willing to forgive him. Then she found out that some family members such as my mother were involved, and now my mother is a trigger in their relationship and she won’t let my Grandpa speak to my mother. He told my mother not to call or text him, he’d get in touch with her. It is heartbreaking what this woman is doing. He’s fucking dying and she’s cutting him off from his family. Her final, bitter revenge for ruining her life with a faithless man.

She’s right to be upset, but there’s a limit. They are bound to separate, it seems. She has been one of my Grandpa’s longest relationships. But he needs his family, and they need him, too. Everyone hates her even though Grandpa is the one that cheated. We live in a topsy turvy world.

To put the cherry on top, I finally had the courage to call an intervention helpline for my mother’s sake and was immediately discouraged. How could we ever pay for rehab? The answer is we can’t. I have to look harder for the answer but I feel so afraid. What if it doesn’t help? She doesn’t sound willing to go. So much effort in a doomed pursuit. I don’t know if I have it in me, and that makes me feel ashamed.

Welcome to my life.

Day 3- Write a letter to someone

Dear Toby,

Thank you for being a light in all of our lives. To know you was to love you. I am sorry that I did not see you as often in the end. Eternally sorry. I used to dream of you, I know now that I should have heeded my dreams and gone to see you. I hope you will forgive me.

I have so many better memories of you. The good far outweighs the bad. I remember when I was young, I helped to teach you how to crawl. We used to practice on Granny’s big king bed in her bedroom. You wouldn’t remember maybe, but that was precious to me.

When you were little, I carried you around with me. I would go out to Granny’s porch swing and take you with me, lay you down on my chest and we’d doze in the sun.

I know I had a couple of accidents with you, and I hope you didn’t hold them against me. I dropped you out of your chair once, did a few things I’m ashamed of. I am sorry that I was upset about mom loving you so much. You needed her more than I did, and I knew that. It was just hard sometimes.

I’m glad you were such a joy and comfort in her life. Thank you for being a kind and joyful young man. Your smile made all the difference in our hearts. It was painful to see that gone from you, and I hope you are happy with Granny now. I didn’t want you to suffer any longer, but I will always miss you. Please watch over Aunt Lari, she loves you most of all. Give her joy and peace if you can, influence her to live in your spirit. Watch over your brother, it is your turn to be His Keeper. Do not let him turn to the dark.

You have joined our great ancestors. Your blood runs in my veins. I will feel stronger when I think of you, not weaker. It is rightful to mourn the passing of the young. I will not feel shame in that. I loved you, and will always love you still.

Mourning in 2016

What is your True Passion?

Your True Passion is Leadership

You feel most alive when you are bringing out the best in people. It brings out the best in you in return.

You love to teach others and guide them. You are very patient. Giving back is important to you.

You want to make the world a better place, and you know you can’t do it alone. You need a team supporting you.

For you, there’s nothing more satisfying than a group of people working toward a common goal. Especially if you’re leading that group.

Today I spent in mourning for my grandmother. I’m not sure why, but I was hit by some pretty strong feelings today while my fiance and I were tooling around town. I have been mentioning my grandma more often, and in a way, I figured out why today. Until today, it had been about 2 years since my last visit to her grave. As we were driving around, Jake and I had the vague plan of going to see her resting place today/tonight.
But as the hours dragged on, the plan became less and less certain and I started to get emotional. It seemed like such a hassle because Jake wanted to rent a car before we could go, and I was becoming anxious at the thought of spending more money to get to a place that just makes me sad. I remembered why I haven’t been there in so long, knowing as I did how upset I was becoming. I almost hyperventilated in the Enterprise rent a car line, getting anxious about over spending.
Jake and I are trying to save up for a down payment on a house. Every withdrawal from our savings causes me anxiety. Jake and I want a house so bad. We are growing up so well and so fast! =) I want us to take care of business. I want us to have a work out room in our new house.
Eventually, Jake and I did take the two hour trip to her grave. While I stood there at her head stone-less grave missing her, I decided to concentrate on celebrating the qualities she exemplified in life. On our way down there, Jake commented that he could help me fashion a headstone for my grandma and I was thinking about what we would put.
Karen Dee Roberts (nee White)
March 18, 1950 – October 14, 2008
Beautiful and full of grace
To Know Her Was to Love Her

Also, this week @ WORK:
MY BOSS IS OUT OF TOWN! =[ FROWNY FACE. THE AUDITOR IS IN TOWN. (=POSSIBLE DEATH IF I DON’T PASS) They may have even did our place last night, my night off!! It would be bliss if it happened when I wasn’t there, so I wouldn’t be responsible.
Things are going kind of wonky with my boss out of town. The main issues I am having to deal with is interviewing new candidates for our night audit position and the fact that this one girl wants to turn in her TWO WEEKS NOTICE while our boss is away. I’m like AAGGGHHHH Noooooooo plz don’t =[ =[ =[!
I think I am going to respectfully decline to take her notice if she does in fact give it to me like I think she plans. I think I can talk her into waiting until he returns to give it. I think Latta deserves a chance to talk with her before she does turn it in. It’s kind of sucky that she wants to jump ship while he’s away. She says she is scared to tell him, but that’s just because our boss is admittedly high strung and she’s young and immature. There will never be a good time to tell him, it will inevitably alter his mood. You just have to be an adult and have a conversation, rather than doing while he’s gone. I’m sure he will be upset about it, but more so if he returns to find out she already made a decision. (Really, I just don’t want her to because I don’t want him to think I failed to talk her out of it =/ )
Anyway, that’s all, folks! Hopefully everything goes okay. . .

Pause for Death

Hit the pause button on life when you hear the news.

I had to get into my car and call my co-worker Jackie back. I had a bad feeling about my other co-worker, Katie. Her mother had called around lunch time. I was sorry to tell her when she inquired if we had seen Katie… I had to tell her Katie hadn’t shown up for her shift two days in a row. It was very unlike her to go a no-call no-show. Her night manager that worked with her most often diligently tried to get a hold of her, and wondered incessantly what could have happened to her since all her calls went to voicemail.

Katie’s mothers voice shook when I told her news, and she started to cry on the phone. I told her to give me her number and we’d call her if we heard anything. She hung up, and later that evening after I already left the office… Jackie called to tell me they found her. She had committed suicide at her apartment.

Kerry her night manager told me he wondered if he was the last one to see her alive. She was such a bright, wonderful human being. The world will surely mourn the loss of her kind and genuinely good spirit. The other night time workers had a nickname for her “Giggles” because she was just an infectiously nice and chipper person, even when she was dog-tired. Katie worked really hard. She worked at a library besides working overnights with us and she also went to school. She fostered at least two dogs and was a really nice girl. I felt my own sorrow at her loss because I am the one that hired her. I was involved with her from the start, plucked her resume from the pile and was the one to interview her. I decided I liked her instantly and saw her potential and she reminded me of a girl who could be part of my girly crowd. She seemed nerdy, and cool, and she definitely turned out to be. We talked about Netflix series we both watched, and she was such a good person. I’m very sad that the world had to lose her. 

Rest in Peace Katie, I’m sorry… if just one helping hand extended to her would have mattered. I wish that just one person could have spoke to her and told her how much we would all miss her if she did what she did. I don’t hold it against her, if it was so hard, I am sorry… I wish I could have lessened your burden or actually took the time to befriend you enough to help. 

Deeply Disturbed Me

I had the most bizarre Fourth of July this year. Get ready for a doozey.

Most of the day went normally. I had to work because I neglected to ask off for the holiday. At the end of my 8 hrs day, I drove home around 11pm and I receive a text from my mom not to answer any phone calls from her mexican lover, Johnny. Little do I know, my mother has involved me in her traitorous attempts to fornicate with her married ex-boyfriend. She told her very passionate mexican lover that she was leaving him to go and pick me up from work since in her lie I was getting off early due to the holiday.

Her boyfriend started to blow up my phone, texting and calling and I refused to answer any of these attempts to contact me. I let my mother know she should move her activities elsewhere via text and my anxiety was beginning to rise. The next thing I know, it’s after midnight, and he is showing up at my front door after all the missed calls. I was scared to let him know I was home, so I didn’t go to the door. Suddenly, I was overcome with fear as I remembered just what a hardened criminal my mother happens to be dating. He has served time in prison for shooting a family member, he has killed before. My mother likes that he’s not a good man, she wants a bad guy, so she can have fun.

My mother is spiraling out of control in the past year. I have noticed that she is doing drugs more regularly now and drinking more often, partying and making stupid decisions one after the other. First, she started dating the married man, then she got caught shop lifting, and through her bondsman she met her mexican criminal lover from her past. They were lovers when they were teens, reconnected after all these years, and at first the story was romantic.

It turns out that he is an alcoholic, can’t get a job, and his family is crazy. They have that crazy passionate mexican disruptive energy, and it would not surprise me in the least if in the heat of passion, this man were to gun down or strangle or hurt or kill or maim my mother. I was scared shitless that night actually, my heart hammering in my chest as I considered the possibility that he might really kill my mother as he jetted away from my home in his car. My mom lives mere minutes away, I thought he might bust in on them doing the nasty at any moment! He would hurt her!

I frantically dialed my mother over and over again but she would not respond. In a frenzy, I called my Aunt at 1 in the morning to see if I should call the police or not, when my stupid ass mother finally called me back!! Ultimate relief flooded me when she told me she and Robbie were not at the house anymore! But I was still scared, thinking that Johnny would be livid anyway when she finally showed her face. I was scared for her life.

There was no one else to check on my mother. All I could do was drive over to her house in the middle of the night and hope that a fight didn’t break out. As I was driving, I was so prepared to help save my mother, I even wondered if I should have brought one of our home defense guns with me. I reasoned that if he did attack my mother, I would at least be on the scene to call the police immediately. I crept outside her windows and strained my ears for sounds that my mother was alive and well. When I glimpsed her boyfriend through one of the back windows, he looked calm enough as he sat on the couch being soothed by her lies.

I cannot forget the extreme fear I felt though, thinking he might kill my mother. It is entirely possible, and I morbidly wonder to myself when I talk to my mom on the phone now, “Are these the last words she’s ever going to say to me??” She’s being incredibly stupid, she has a death wish, she thinks she can out smart Johnny and she is playing with a loaded gun. I am terrified for my mother’s safety if ever he were to find out about her duplicitous doings. If she cannot respect him in their union, she must end it, but she isn’t inclined to do so. When I bluntly stated to her, “Fuck Robbie, he won’t even leave his wife for you, and yet you’re willing to fuckin’ die for a piece of that?? WTF?” She just laughed at me and brushed me off. She insists there’s nothing to worry about, but how can that be when it is becoming increasingly clear to me that she doesn’t give a shit about her life and doesn’t want to prolong it?

My mother wants to drown, and I can’t go under with her, trying to save her. If she won’t let me help herself, there is nothing I can do to pull her out. Her depression and drug use are worse than they ever have been before, and I just do not know what I can do to help her, short of turning her in or narcing on her to her dad for her drug abuse so he can force her to seek help. She won’t though. And now I don’t want to see any of her boyfriend’s good qualities, my mind is clouded with fear for my mother’s safety and I am afraid of him now. I don’t even want him around, I can’t sit and chill in her living room with what could be my mother’s future murderer. That’s too fucked up, and I am freaking out about my mother’s situation in life. But what can be done? Nothing, dammit. And it’s killing me.