Old Job, New Impressions

I have been having a rocky start at my new job. A few of the personalities at work are at odds with mine. There is one other manager on my level at my job and she is a wild one. I have told everyone that she’s the complete opposite of me; tall, thin, loud, and opinionated. She’s quite risque. Other coworkers and I talk about how scandalously she talks and how upper management lets her get away with it.

I laughed to myself this morning. I have a new manager (one month after getting hired O_o) and he was chiding the afore mentioned manager for being too sexual at work, talking about her boobs. Isn’t that common sense not to mention or draw attention to your boobs at work? I don’t know, call me old fashioned. *rolls eyes*

So there’s a level of professionalism lacking, to say the least.

I have no regrets about transferring back to the Old Ren, I’ll say that. It was like time ravaging a past lover of yours. One day, you come back to find their skin is sagging and things are amiss. My hotel is not as good as it once was. Time has done a number on it as well as shoddy management. The manager who hired me was more laissez faire than she could afford to be, as well as the general manager before her.

No one has trained me on anything. It’s lucky I remember a lot about the job I once held 2 years ago. I was at the peak of my career working in the same position I am now. Now, I have surpassed even that time. Now I am getting paid more than I ever have at any job of mine. I feel accomplished. I feel I can endure for the compensation I’m receiving. The disposable income I have had is making me feel so much better about many things. I don’t regret leaving the Residence Inn.

There was another girl that gave me much grief at my job. She was my problem child. I hated her passionately in a way I have rarely felt about a subordinate. She was loathed to do her job. She hated me because I wouldn’t let her do as she pleased. I was never so glad for someone to put their two week’s notice in!!

It bothered me that someone I had to work with so frequently disliked me. She so obviously disliked me and the feeling was mutual. I feel quite annoyed that I wasn’t able to commandeer respect from that little shit. I never did anything to her, besides expect her to do what she is paid to do. She didn’t even see fit to speak to me on her last day, and for all I wanted to wish her well, too. Bitch.

I get along well with everybody, if you don’t like me, there’s probably something more to that. Others said she had a problem with authority. I wasn’t the only one she’d been a thorn in the side to. But she and the manager I mentioned before seemed to be on each others’ side. She would keep my worker in the back office talking when she knew I wanted her to work, thus vexing me terribly.

That same manager also undermines my authority all of the time. She stays late frequently into my shift, often half of my shift. Even though I am the manager on duty, my co-workers felt more inclined to ask her permission for things and talk to her more. I get the feeling I am not as charming and vivacious, but what gives? It annoys me.

Why aren’t people warming to me faster? Better? I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. But perhaps I have overlooked some behavior…..


13 Reasons Why Review


I just recently finished binge-watching this new popular show on Netflix. The story sucks you in. It’s about Hannah Baker the teenager committing suicide. Instead of leaving a suicide note she leaves 13 tapes explaining why she killed herself. Which is pretty twisted, when you think about it. Saw some lists online like this, and decided to make my own.

Characters listed from worst to least awful for their moral failings:

  1. Bryce
  2. The counselor
  3. Courtney
  4. Tyler
  5. Justin
  6. Jessica
  7. Alex
  8. Marcus
  9. Zach
  10. Ryan
  11. Sheri
  12. Clay

It’s obvious why Bryce was selected for the worst human being ever award. I put the counselor as second worst because to me, he was paid to help these kids. It was his job to ensure she got proper help, and he was the only adult in the equation who could have prevented it. In my eyes, he’s more responsible because of this.

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It was a toss up between Courtney and Tyler for the next worst individuals. I decided Courtney was the worst of the two because she went to even greater lengths to damage Hannah’s reputation. Tyler circulated the picture that not only ruined her reputation further, but also invaded her privacy and made her feel not safe.

But Courtney was adamant that Hannah was lying and very vindictive. She spread more rumors about Hannah and even defended Bryce at one point. She was unbelievable to me, and I hated her worst than Tyler.

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Justin was someone I didn’t expect to feel so much sympathy for. His actions are arguably what started Hannah down her path, but I listed him further down the list. He didn’t seem as vindictive as the two I just mentioned- he lied about what he did with her, but it wasn’t him who actually sent the picture around to everyone. My heart bled for him later in the story when we saw what his home life was like.  I even felt terribly sorry for him when the Bryce/Jessica rape happened. He did try to stop it, to his credit. It was an impossible situation for him.

I almost put Marcus ahead of Jessica and Alex. He publicly humiliated Hannah, but then so did Jessica when she slapped Hannah. Not only did she slap Hannah, she effectively ended their friendship. I think Alex and Jessica’s betrayals were worse than what Marcus did because they were supposed to be her old friends. Marcus was just being a big dumb ass who didn’t know her beyond the rumors.

I ultimately put Jessica before Alex because she was a worse friend than him. He made a stupid list. I didn’t think he should have killed himself over it, when other people on the list fucked Hannah over in much bigger ways. Jessica was a worst friend in my book because she believed all the rumors rather than talking it out with her old friend. She went on the offensive and humiliated her instead, also hurting her feelings since they’d once been close.

It was hard for me to decide who was worse between Zach and Ryan. Everything they did to Hannah was behind closed doors. I ultimately decided that Zach was being more cruel and petty than anything. If I were Hannah, I would have a harder time forgiving Zach over Ryan. Ryan published her poem without her consent, but it was almost like a compliment if you listened to him talk about it. He didn’t feel bad about it, he was just sharing art with the world.

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Sherri is someone I didn’t feel deserved to be on the list, either, like Clay. Yes, she was responsible for the death of a classmate, but it’s not like she set out to ruin people’s lives. If I were in her shoes, I might have done the same thing- ran off, that is. I don’t know about leaving Hannah behind. She started off by being nice to Hannah, offering to give her a ride. She wasn’t malicious at all, and was even trying to redeem herself in her own way by volunteering with the elderly couple. I liked her. I was glad when she came clean.

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And of course Clay is on the bottom of the list! Clay is just an adorable fucking teddy bear every girl would love to hug and squeeze. My heart broke for him when he listened to his tape. That and the last episode when he spoke to the counselor about Hannah’s last moments had me crying!!! One thing I will say for him, I admired him going after everyone on the tape and fucking with them somehow, kind of in Hannah’s memory. I felt so bad for him, how difficult it was for him to get through all of the tapes.

My thoughts on Hannah’s tapes:

I was at first shocked how people said they hated Hannah. Why?? She had so much bad stuff happen to her, I wondered. But then when you think about it, the sole purpose of leaving all of these tapes would be to fuck up all the individual’s lives. It’s very perverse to have such an effect on people after your death, to still be able to point fingers beyond the grave.

Some of the people were fucked forever after those tapes. I felt very bad for Alex and Sheri and Clay all being on the list. I even felt bad for Jessica, who learned something she didn’t know about herself because of the tapes.

I don’t blame her for what happened in the room when she was hiding. Maybe she felt like she failed Jessica as a friend… and I guess she did. She could have said something, jumped out of the closet– but then what, become his next victim? It was cowardly of her to hide and let it happen, but better Jessica than herself, right? She obviously got her own. She paid for her mistake. If she had tried harder to get Jessica to remember and throw Bryce in jail, maybe they could have prevented what happened to her.

Favorite character: Would be Clay, but honorable mention-

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Tony! The sherpa up the mountain of kindness. Too cool to be true. I think he made the right call in the end releasing the tapes to Hannah’s parents. It was a huge secret to keep, being the keeper of all the tapes. I also admired him very much for refusing to let Clay be alone when he heard his tape. He acted like a real true friend, and I loved him for how protective he was over Clay. I will admit, I got those fangirl feelings for him lol

Extra Tony goodness:


Mood of the Week: Hopeful (or trying to be)

Things have been rather hard for me lately. I have a bad mind set about practically everything, and I am once again having to practice mindfulness to pick myself up out of my slump.

I discovered in my teen years that I get bouts of depression like this, where I feel everything is black and hopeless and I’m consumed by all my worries, and I just have to take an objective step back and chill. Stop fucking killing yourself, there’s enough mother fuckers out there that would be happy enough to do the job if you let them.So don’t let them, and certainly don’t be your own worst enemy. You have to be on your own side. If you don’t believe in yourself, who else will? You’re the only one who will never leave you. Love yourself, you deserve to like the person you are. You have to live with who you are.

Are you Joy, Love, or Peace?

You Are Love
Your happiness is giving, warm, and compassionate. You get satisfaction from personal relationships and connections. You’re the type of person who loves to be in love, and that doesn’t have to necessarily mean romantic love.

You value deep friendships and knowing someone well. You consider your friends to be your family. You take a leap and put people first in your life. It’s not about how much you get but how much you give.

 I mention all this also because I was talking to my boss and friend Latta the other day when we were alone. I mentioned how much my parents are stressing me out, particularly my father who is still incarcerated at the moment. He asks me for money, and Latta looked scandalized when I told him. My mom expects me to come through for him, and I sit here feeling my depression worsen, considering the two. They are a heavy burden on me.
I would be better off if I just stopped talking to them both. They break my heart. The wring my mind with worry and anxiety, and I fear my mother is going to stress me into diabetes somehow. My Granny thought family was so important, but could she withstand what I am having to deal with so coolly? I think not!
I get mad, I can’t around my mother because I have to keep my hurtful feelings to myself. I don’t go around her because it is on the tip of my tongue to upbraid her, or otherwise I know in my gut that if I get alone with her and talk real, it will end in screaming and crying and injured feelings. She will hate me for telling her the truth about how I’ve lost my respect for her and I don’t trust her,that I miss her but feel like I can’t be around her anymore. It chokes me up to even think about it, which is why I’ve been avoiding writing this post for so long.
I want my mother to go to rehab, or South Dakota where she doesn’t know anybody up with my Grandpa where he can get her a job. Keep her out of trouble, if that is even a possibility— and that’s what I fear, that she won’t give up and would rather have me gone from her life. That’s what I feel like she is picking- her horrible, desolate life full of drugs and lonely nights over me. It’s horrible to give up on someone and leave them to their own fate, but that is what my common sense is telling me to do.
Forget her, she is dragging you down.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Please don’t call me either.
I am done with you.

Strange But True Vol. VI

Bad things happen to people who do good. If you’re hating on me, it means I’m doing something right.

At my job, something stupid happened. I was not as diligent as I was supposed to be, and I accidentally left behind my drop- the money I collected all day from guests. It was just over $100 and instead of dropping it like any other decent front desk personnel would do, my night time relief that night chose not to. Instead, she chose to put my job at risk and stole the money.

My honesty, integrity, and reputation saved my job. When they asked me what happened, I told them what I did and admitted I was absent minded and left in the drawer, waiting for my relief to show so she could witness my drop like usual. Instead, on that busy night, they witnessed on camera where I did prepare my drop and then place it in the drawer and I walked out that night without touching it again. What I said I did, they witnessed on camera. They also witnessed her take the drop out of the drawer and then go into the back room with it where there are no cameras. Then the money was missing.

As weird as it sounds, I was mostly just worried about my job and how much I love doing what I do where I am right now. I really didn’t want to lose it. I was so consumed at the thought of my job, I really haven’t been thinking about the girl who did it that much. As weird as it sounds, I felt sorry for her. I am regretful that I put her in that position and that now our relationship is sullied. It sucks that she turned out to be a back stabbing bitch, things like that happen though. She was trying to get me in trouble, and here I thought we were friends. I’ve always been kind to her, in my book. Someone told me she wanted my job and I didn’t think anything of it. I never suspected she would do something so underhanded. Now she will probably lose both her jobs and was $100 really worth it? Pretty cheap to me. It was low of her, but I mostly feel bad that I didn’t do my job right.

I actually feel pretty okay about the girl, as weird as it sounds. I told Jake last night I’m not going to let her betrayal bother me because I am above petty feelings of vindictiveness. I am above her and her games, and if she felt the need to drag me down, then that’s exactly what it was- her, jealous of me, and trying to pull me down to her level. Trying to get me fired, when I love what I do. What a mean girl, but am I going to do anything to her? Of course not, I will simply not forget what she did and learn from it.

As my general manager said, it really has just been a learning experience for us all. She knows I won’t let anything like this happen again and I truly do feel that way. I took steps to correct my MOD bank when I messed up at the beginning of the year (probably a theft by Lisa, actually….) But the important thing is I still have my job.


Life sucks and then you die.

I am looking for a new job. I can’t take it anymore. I am letting this job and these bitches get the best of me. Everyday before I go into work, the hour before I lay around dreading going in, my stomach in knots. I even find myself getting sick frequently, and I feel nauseous at work. Occasionally, I have panic attacks where I just can’t go into the building. I went and got anxiety medication.

And I’ll be DAMNED if I have to keep using it. I shouldn’t have to be medicated to go into my JOB. It shouldn’t be so damn hard. People will be disappointed when I leave, but none more so than me. Jake said I shouldn’t let those girls win, but the alternative (staying and bearing it for who knows how long) doesn’t feel like a victory at all. I feel like I am being wise, removing myself from a toxic environment and bettering myself. You know what they say, one bad apple ruins the bunch, and they were starting to taint me. I was getting lazy, feeling unmotivated.

I am definitely still feeling discouraged. I’m more than a little upset that I might have to take a cut in pay in order to escape my unfavorable work conditions. I hate the idea of making less, but I think it might be worth it in the long run for me to do what’s best for me. I can’t keep dealing with all the stress. I hate to admit I’m not the equal of it, but I just need something that isn’t going to kill me. I don’t mind the work or my job, it’s my co-workers that are the problem.



Painfully Yours

Save the Savior by ladylace616
AU. Emma went with Lily at the bus stop and they’ve been together ever since. The Apprentice never showed himself to Lily and the girls grow up full of questions about their parents. One day, August the mysterious writer moves in next door. He claims to have a message for them. He must convince them of their magical origins and get them to accompany him to Storybrooke. Read More
Rated: T – English – Drama/Fantasy – Chapters: 1 – Words: 2,781 – Published: Aug 19

I am up to date on all things Once Upon A Time now!! I signed up for Hulu and watched all of season 4. I absolutely loved loved loved ALL THE CAPTAIN SWAN ACTION!! They are truly my favorite cannon pairing. Watch this video for the cuteness:

Anyway, I did write the story featured above. It’s a plot bunny I felt the need to chase because watching the series, I think these two deserve a little more exploration. Lily and Emma together could have been a great duo to see, so I’m giving them their chance while I can 🙂 Plus, I can’t resist me some Wooden Swan action either. 

PostSecret of the Week:neverbelieveme

In other news, I have been having some horrible, terrible, no good health complications. I will make this brief since it upsets me to have to think about. I have ovarian cysts that are scaring the shit out of me and making me super uncomfortable. I have been living glued to a heating pad, until today. I went to the Indian Clinic and they prescribed me more things for pain and they seemed to help a lot. I was in a lot of pain, actually. I keep telling Jake my insides feel soupy, and I’m actually pretty scared because one of these cysts burst last week and it was the worst pelvic pain I’d ever experienced. I am scared it will happen again 😦 I am afraid to jostle myself, and Jake is being extremely patient seeing as we found out after my E.R. visit that he and I can’t have sex for awhile. He is being surprisingly cool about it so far… but it’s still early.

Symptoms of Ovarian Cysts

The signs and symptoms of ovarian cysts, if present, may include:

  • Pelvic pain — a dull ache that may radiate to your lower back and thighs
  • Pelvic pain shortly before your period begins or just before it ends
  • Pelvic pain during intercourse (dyspareunia)
  • Pain during bowel movements or pressure on your bowels
  • Nausea, vomiting or breast tenderness like that experienced during pregnancy
  • Fullness or heaviness in your abdomen
  • Pressure on your bladder that causes you to urinate more frequently or have difficulty emptying your bladder completely