Ode to a Mean Girl & 13 Reasons Why

Sometimes 40. Maybe 50.:

Work has been improving greatly for me. I was able to hire someone new and she is quite a gem thus far. I’ve been able to step back into my managerial role again and it’s been quite the distinction. Instead of running everything at the desk and getting frazzled, realizing I don’t have enough time to get everything done, now I can relax and let her do check ins. I can get things done, I am not all on my own. That’s been one positive change.

The other new improvement is my new boss. I enjoy working with Rebecca a lot. She is very efficient and her experience as a manager shows in the way she handles herself. She doesn’t know everything about the front desk but she is a quick learner. We’ve been getting along so far.

I think I’ve made a solid first impression. I asked to train the new hire, and I take on a lot of projects. Yet she has successfully taken a lot of pressure off my shoulders and a lot of work from my hands, something her predecessor failed to do. It’s refreshing to have someone who can concentrate well enough to get the job done. I regret that I do not qualify for that level of togetherness yet. I strive to achieve that someday, though. I’m just not there yet.

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Another positive thing I noticed around work is actually thanks to 13 Reasons Why. We have an employee who is notoriously rude and demeaning that we all have to endure everyday. We all mess up to her, it’s just a matter of degree if you’re going to get bitched out or not. During my time at this job, my department held a one-hour long meeting in which every member of the team experienced her heinous behavior and on multiple occasions. They had numerous examples to present to our general manager. Everyone shared their experiences and we had a shout-out to Mean Girls by everyone saying this about that individual.

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She watched 13 Reasons Why because it is so popular. I was discussing her with another coworker, when the co-worker (who knows her better) mentioned that she never looked at things the way it looks from the victim’s standpoint. She apparently said she had no idea the impact she had on other people.

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Miraculously, she has improved her behavior. (I hope not temporarily.) She has been offering assistance without being tongue in cheek like she has in the past. She is helpful with no ulterior motive. I was shocked the other day when she offered to watch the desk for me while I went to get my lunch. It was unheard of, basically. I’ve noticed her improvements, and wonder if I should comment, but I’m afraid it’ll backfire on me somehow if I congratulate her. Do you think I should say something? Would you?

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Remembering your past self

It’s not always good. I generally stay away from facebook and never post on it, because I gave up all my friends and their goings on. But today I found myself taking a moment to browse through my friends old pictures and saw all our high school days. I was transported back in time, and that’s been happening some lately.

Playlist of songs that reminded me of those times:

When the election was going on, here in Oklahoma we got to vote on how alcohol/liquor is handled in the state. We’re a dry state and you can only buy 2.5% beer in stores. You have to go to liquor stores to get your stronger beer, liquor, and wine. We had a bill that was going to level the playing field and make liquor and wine available in normal stores like grocery stores.

It was weird, but I felt my heart twisting in my chest at the thought of all the struggling wives that would have to deal with the change. When I was with Joshua, I used to literally run to prevent him from entering liquor stores. Now, imagine, every single place you walk in there is danger. The alcoholic has so much more access, and the misery increases with the access. It’s already a problem, homeless people being able to get even more access as well???? I felt such compassion and empathy towards any person fool enough to deal with an alcoholic anymore.

I gave up on mine. He made me miserable. (Reference Tracy Chapman songs) I had to tell him good bye. He was sucking the life out of me, and breaking my heart. When I look back on my past, I want to slap my 22 year old self around a little and shake her, “What the frig were you thinking?” I knew it then, that my love was irrational, but I felt it so deep. (Reference laid & “it’s not easy loving you”) Our brokenness fit together. I took like a fish to water when I was introduced to alcoholism.

Nowadays on Hulu, I’ve been seeing some advertisements for a lady who is a nanny to these rich kids. She’s in charge of them and a drunk, and America is meant to think that’s hilarious- seeing her slide down the handrail and drunkenly splayed on the ground. They must not know what it is like to bodily restrain your lover when they are wildly thrashing around and making a horrible disturbance in the middle of the night, waking everyone up. After you feel such disgust for a person, it’s hard to feel respect and love. A resentment starts to grow, and it’s only a matter of time before you see them for the burden they truly are.

At my hotel, there is a girl who delivers pizza on a regular basis. She works at the pizzaeria that I introduced her to all those years ago. She’s a fragment of my past that gets through, and when I see her I’m reminded how artistic and bold I used to be, but also how messed up.

I used to drink myself to excess. This girl has dragged my head out of the toilet many times. She’s still graceful and nice about it, and has always been a great acquaintance to have. When I was younger and she was my friend, Joshua and I drank with her all the time. We smoked and got fucked up and painted on her walls (because she was fun and invited us to). She had bon fires and I would puke on the side of her house.

I see the commercials for the lady nanny who’s drunk all the time and I wonder to myself, “Why did I think that was fun?” I wasn’t having fun.

I was being irresponsible, trying to leave myself behind. Trying to forget myself. I hated myself, had problems in my life, and wanted to forget about them for awhile sometimes. Sometimes, a lot. (Reference Tove Lo songs) I can remember almost every boyfriend I’ve ever had having to take care of me when I had drank too much.

I still drink too much when I do drink, but I only drink every once in a blue moon. I never drink alone or in secret anymore. I used to engineer entire plots and stories to devise ways so that I could go drinking with my coworkers after work. I used to be notorious for my skills in deception, and me and my friends had fun despite Jake’s attempts to stop me. I did what I wanted anyway, until I wised up one day.

Jacob changed my life. I figured he really meant it. He really meant he’d had enough, and he would not ever let me drink away from him. He needed me to give it up, and I didn’t know it, but I needed to do it for myself, too. I did, after I realized all the beer was doing was fucking up mu stomach anyway and getting me in a shit ton of trouble. I gave it up, so I could have a happy relationship.

Now I never drink, and always smoke. 😎

Life as a Newlywed

Advice from a Newlywed:

Congratulations on your wedding!

Now that the honeymoon is over, what do you have to say about life as a newlywed?

“Go buy a bunch of lube. You are most certainly going to need it. If you thought you had conditioned your partner to maybe 2-3 times a week making love, you’re going to be VERY surprised. Suddenly, you’re back at it like rabbits in the beginning of your relationship. I have been surprised by the fact that we’re back to it every night like clockwork. 

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Physical intimacy is good for your relationship. I know you might be exasperated by his enthusiasm sometimes, but learn to hold your tongue and cherish these moments. Maybe you’re not in the mood, but you respond to each other better when you’re more willing to compromise. You’ll find it’s worth picking your battles, lest you spend hours fighting or otherwise making each other miserable.

On another note, now that you are A Wife, you should try harder. Jacob has accepted me as the lazy person I am and loves me unconditionally and cleans up after me. But he shouldn’t always expect to do everything, like you have been making him do. You should put in more effort on his behalf. He will love you better for it.”

What is Your Love Language?

Words of Affirmation

Your Preferred Love Language
is Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

Married Life is SO Good

It’s been about 2 weeks since I got married. I’ve been too busy to describe how great it is. The wedding was a pretty cool affair. It wasn’t as good as I would have liked it to be, we missed a few things. I never danced with Grandpa. And speaking of Grandpa, I actually might not be legally married since my Grandpa never went and presented his ordainment papers to the court and didn’t legally register. Oh well. If Jake and I have to do one more ceremony to make it legit, we won’t be mad. At least our loved ones gathered on that day and saw us joined in holy matrimony by someone who knows and cares about us.

From the beginning of Jake and I’s relationship, Grandpa was the one who backed Jake from the start. My mom had her misgivings in the beginning because he’s 12 years my senior. She wanted to know what he was doing with a girl as young as me. Plus, my mother will still tell you to this day that Jake took me hostage. In a way, she’s not wrong. From the first day we got together, I’ve been stuck like glue to Jake ever since. Jake makes my heart swell sometimes when he says things. During our vows, Jake said that I’ve been his best friend for 3 years. He loves me more than anyone, he guides me the right direction in life and helps me to make good, responsible decisions.

Now this has kept me away from my mother and father. That is because they lead a bad life, they treat themselves badly and don’t take care of themselves. My mother lives in squalor and my father is in prison. They both struggle with addiction. I have a drug addiction as well, but at least my life isn’t falling apart around my ears. I do drugs, but I go to work everyday and I work hard and I make money. My body isn’t in the best shape and my mind neither, but at least I make money of my own. My mother and father sponge off other people. My mother is an emotional vampire.

My father never approved of Jake. One of the worst fights me and Johnny ever had was over Jake. I was outraged that Johnny would say anything bad about Jake when Jake is clearly the better man. Jake has taken care of me and provided for me since day one. When we first got together, Jacob did right by me. I remember feeling touched when we first got together because Jake said I didn’t have enough pants and we went to buy more clothes for me, because he cared. He’s always cared about me and did the right thing for me. When I first met Jake, I was living a bad life. I did have a drinking problem, even if I didn’t want to believe Jake at the time. Now I hardly ever touch the stuff, and I never drink alone.

At the wedding, it was chaotic as most weddings usually are. Even though I explained duties to people before the wedding, everyone was still looking to me to get everything done. I was stressed out beyond belief trying to coordinate everyone. It was very cool being a bride though- everyone does what you say, wants to help you in some way. I had my aunt running all over the gardens looking for Jake when we needed the car keys. My mother missed out on the getting ready pictures because everytime she came in the room, I had her go do something else to get things ready.

We were so busy, I almost didn’t have any time to get nervous. I’d been telling people for weeks, “I’m 98% excited, 2% scared.” But when it was all said and done and they’d finished getting me ready for the First Look photo shoot, I was standing in front  of the mirror by myself in the bathroom holding my bouquet. I asked for a moment alone to practice my vows, and after I’d said them out loud for the first time, suddenly I was shaking. I know my eyes were huge as I walked out to meet Jake for the first time in his tux. I was shaking so much I couldn’t open a pack of mints my mother gave me.

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After seeing Jacob for the first time, he was all I saw. When it came time to walk down the aisle, I literally couldn’t tell you who all attended my wedding. I had tunnel vision, I only had eyes for him. Suddenly, this moment in my life felt larger than life and he was everything. He will be everything from now on, and I have no regrets.

Something Old…….. My Grandma’s Wedding Veil
Something New…….. My Shoes
Something Borrowed…….. Rhonda’s pearl bracelet
Something Blue……. “I Do” blue polka dots for shoes

We’re married now, and things could not be better. Jake is worried that marriage will change something between us, and it has. I won’t tell him though- the main change I have seen between us is he seems to have sprouted more patience overnight. He is so nice and caring towards me. For the last two weeks, everything has been, “Whatever you want, babe.” He also gave himself to me completely, and I have done things as his wife that no woman will ever do. We are in love, and we are here to stay. My husband looks so freaking good in the photo above, they could slap him on the cover of the Men’s Warehouse magazine.

More pictures;

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Tonight was quite a fun experience with my love. We got prepared to go out and catch Pokemon today, and of course that means you can’t leave the house without extra battery packs for your phone!! Haha

Pokemon Go is all the rage. We meet strangers in the street wherever we go. There were literally hundreds of people walking around Bricktown this evening. It’s quite the social phenomenon, and it’s really cool to be a part of the process. It’s a social process, a huge HIT.

I’ve actually read reviews for my hotel online: “I found a Dragonir there, so that made this place awesome!” LOL People come through the hotel, looking for a port to plug their phone into. Several of the reviews said as much.

When I was driving the other day, I saw an ad on a billboard: “DON’T CATCH AND DRIVE” ROFL because it is so accurate, that is actually how Jake and I beef up our Pokeball supply. We hit as many Pokestops as we can. I was actually pretty proud today, Jake and I secured a spot in a gym for my strongest pokemon tonight. (Vaporeon, who rocks hardcore)

Jake says that a girl at his work was fired for playing too much. It’s a fucking craze, and all of us 90s babies are LOVING IT!!!

This has been Lacy approved 😉

My perfect cute pokemon team:

Future’s So Bright I Need Shades

BeFunky Collage

  1. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
    In  10 years, I’ll be 36 years old. Hopefully, Jake and I will be happily married. We will own our own land and house. We will probably be fostering a little boy, or teenage boy. Unless I’ve had a natural child by then.

  2. Do you want to get married?
    I’m getting married in two months!!!!

  3. Do you want to have children?
    Yes. Just not now.

  4. Do you want to move? If yes, where?
    Yes. Jake and I may someday move to Colorado, the land of the legal.

  5. How does your dream house look like?
    A one story, spacious house with bay windows. Organized, clean.

  6. What is your dream job?
    I would love to be a stay-at-home writer someday.

  7. What are five things you want to do before you die?
    I. Foster children
    II. See Niagra Falls
    III. Get a breast reduction
    IV. Skydive at least once
    V. Visit Las Vegas!!!

  8. Are you scared of the future?
    Only that I won’t measure up, can never be the functional and organized human being I’d like to be someday. I’d like to become more grounded and responsible, but still be fun and unpredictable.

  9. What’s your biggest dream you would like to achieve in life?
    I’d like to get my mother off drugs and somehow pull our family back together. 
  10. What would be the ideal age for you to die?
    I’d ideally like to die before I am old and decrepit. I’d like to die with some dignity, maybe peacefully lying in bed. I hope I don’t die of diabetes. A lot of the women in our family die in their seventies….o.o