Tag: insecure

Anxiety City Here I Come

My boss told me this weekend that he is quitting for sure now. He turned in his two weeks notice today v____v I had hoped to stall him as much as possible, and now I will be lost. They will make me a salary employee and now they will own my ass. My mind will be that much more occupied by work. I am already worried if I can do the job. I know I will be able to because I already do much of it now…. but I’m still nervous.

I don’t think it’s only because of the possible promotion at work. I also got side tracked and didn’t realize my wedding is pretty much ONE MONTH AWAY!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!! *excited, but mostly stressed about everything that has to be done* I’ve been particularly stressed about getting our invites out on time, and the main objective in getting that done is getting our pictures taken. I desperately want this, but it keeps getting postponed.

I picked this picture of the lips because I’ve been having worrying symptoms lately. I guess I stopped taking my depression pills consistently and I’m being affected.That combined with the stress and other factors in my life have me standing around, when suddenly I just start to feel this tingling sensation in my lips and feel like I’m going to pass out. I’m not even doing anything stressful when this happens to me, but it’s happening more frequently. How am I supposed to get married now if Latta is gone!!! *wails*

I just don’t know how I’m going to accomplish all of this….. *pulls hair out*


Boom Goes the Bomb!

My boss recently called me into his office to tell me some news. It started out kind of light, a little joking, and then he segued into the poor performances around the office lately. Before I knew it, he was confessing to me that he’s leaving!!!!

O.O As if that’s not distressing enough, he said to me, “Of course I’ll be backing you for the position.” O_O Honestly, I’m sitting pretty right now being an hourly employee and in the hotel industry going salary is pretty much the kiss of death D: :((((( SO NOT HAPPY!!!!

My first thoughts:

  • I don’t really want the position
  • There are so many more responsibilities
  • Before when our department performed poorly, he got yelled at and now it will be me :((((
  • I will have to become an adult and start going to work at 7 in the morning and THAT’S NOT ME!!! ARRRRRRGH!!!! (This is what I dread the most, having to switch my PM lifestyle)
  • When people don’t show up, I’ll have to cover their shifts :((((
  • I’ll be responsible for firing people
  • I don’t think I’m responsible/reliable enough for the job

I kept all of this to myself, of course. I don’t want them to see me in doubt. I want to appear confident and ready, when really I’m shitting myself. Jake was disappointed in me for not being more excited. I mean, there are reasons to be glad-

  • I’ll be managing my own team
  • I can pick my own assistant to share my workload
  • LOTS MORE $$$
  • Being a front office manager is what I’ve always wanted to be, and the ultimate goal for my hospitality career so I should be happy about that

I’m just increasingly unsure of myself, and don’t think I’m ready. When really, it’s not that I’m not necessarily ready it’s that I CANNOT STAND THE IDEA OF DOING THE AM SHIFTS!!!! UGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH I seriously hate mornings, they can’t make me get up in the mornings I will be useless and I just do not fucking want it at all. If I could stay PM, I would have no problem taking over the position but that seems highly unlikely 😦 Why you gotta fuck shit up boss, now the pressure is on me :((((((