Tag: lgbt

Be A Better You

I was thinking to myself recently that I needed to realign and focus more. I have been engaged in auto-pilot trying to numb myself and navigate life at the same time. It’s not really working out, I’m asleep at the wheel. Who knows where the hell we are going?

Nowhere good.

I re-examined my values, and I have decided that to achieve a higher sense of purpose I should get in touch with my core values; my calm demeanor, sense of compassion, and pursuit of literature.

The dream that has been simmering beneath my skin, deep at my core, is to become a writer. My first serious aspiration as a child was to be a writer. A singer-song writer to be exact, but it morphed into just writing. I convinced myself I wasn’t good enough, and diverted my attention to a different pursuit when I changed my mind.

I’ve wanted to work in hotels for more than 10 years. The last decade has been rewarding in many ways and I made a lot of professional contacts I am happy to retain. I still enjoy the hospitality and drive and ambition it takes to do the job, but I get so worn out. I have felt like a recluse lately- everything sets me on edge or makes me uncomfortable in some fashion. I am finding that it is time to take a step out of the limelight and stop dealing with customers directly.

The tough question was trying to figure out a way to support a worthy cause by writing. What is worth writing about? And further more, how do you contribute to that cause by being a writer exactly?

Causes I Considered;

– LGBT Rights
– Women’s Rights
– Diabetes
– Starving Children

Then it hit me.

I could find a way to write for our local newspaper, The Gayly. It raises awareness. I could meet interesting people. I would be assigned awesome excursions for articles. That sounds like a life I would want. When I took a career aptitude test, it said that I would make a good editor. Maybe it’s meant to be.


In Which I Make a Case for Gallovich

I once had a dream with Mickey in it. Ever since, I have had an affinity for the character. In keeping a dream journal, I learned that I identified a lot with Mickey. He was deathly afraid to let someone close because that meant trusting them with everything that’s broken in him. He wanted to love Ian, but he couldn’t reconcile what that meant about himself in doing so.

I lived that life. You keep your preferences to yourself- it’s no one else’s business what you do behind closed doors. I didn’t think I needed to tell my family I preferred girls. I kept it to myself and suffered for the knowledge. I let a great love of my life go all over my sexual persuasion- the fear of being out. When Mickey was struggling with his love for Ian, I felt for him. I could sympathize with his pain and fear of being found out.

That’s why I ship Gallovich. It’s the happy ending I hoped for- getting to be with the person you love, damn what anyone else thinks. He finally had the courage to proclaim his great love for Ian in front of everybody. I was happy for them, because their relationship and understanding of each other was so deep. I especially loved the scene where Mickey went back to plant a quick kiss on Ian’s lips.

Mickey is a ride or die mate. He was fierce in his insistence that he could take care of Ian. My heart melted watching those scenes. He was realizing how big an impact Ian’s illness had on their relationship, and both Ian and himself individually. His character was so dynamic and grew so much during the series. He was willing to be with his partner through thick and thin, sickness and health. I especially loved that even when Ian took off with his child, he refused to let anyone go to the police over it. He was that desperate to protect Ian. They were suddenly and irrevocably in love.

Mickey went to jail over defending his love. He tattooed his love for Ian on his body- an ultimate declaration of love in anyone’s eyes. I just cannot get over what a wonderful, supportive partner he could be at times. Yes, he was fucked up, too. That’s what makes him even more lovable, in my opinion.

I don’t see how people think their love was toxic. Yes, Mickey was rough around the edges at times, but his good qualities far outweigh his momentary lapses in judgement in my opinion. And even the most fucked up characters deserve a chance at love and redemption.

Go to your happy place

I live at the X-Men mansion. Have the power to travel interdimensionally and experience others worlds, or copy elements in their current habitat and encourage others to see and hear things that are not physically present.

People That Live with me in the Mansion:

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Carol & Daryl from The Walking DeadThese two are a dynamite duo!! They are the main security of the mansion because ain’t no shit getting past these two! I love how bad ass they are both together and apart as individuals. Carol is genuinely a role model of mine, at least from the TV series. (Have not read the comic, aspire to)

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Andy and April from Parks and Recreation, I dig both of these two hardcore. Andy is my spirit animal. I would love to hang out with both of them, because of his entertainment value and her dry wit. Her dark sense of humor would jive with the rest of the group.

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Michael and Eleanor, They are hilarious! *wink*

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Daria Morgendorfer and Jane Lane from Dariafor their unending sarcasm and quips. Their intelligence and penchant for art and poetry combined make them a great duo.

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Jason Mendoza and Janet, because I need a lot of light heartedness to balance the darkness in my mind

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Lorraine Broughton and Delphi Lasalle from Atomic BlondeBecause Lorraine would strike down my enemies out in the field secretly. I value her cunning intelligence, resourcefulness, and strength. And Delphi because I need lesbians in my life =P

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Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones, Also for security. I value her undying loyalty and strength. She is a true individual who marches to the beat of her own drum. She is independent and determined. 

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Enid from Ghost World, Her sense of adventure and art makes her valuable. We would get along great. She is super nerdy, too. A little lost inside and mentally scattered, as we deep types are wont to do. I identify with her, especially seeing an older man. (Also, she’s undeniably sexy.)

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Adult Wednesday AdamsThis web series was like eureka!! She is such an identifiable character as well. She’s independent and outspoken. Intelligent and insulting, cunning and deep. I like her dark sense of humor as well. 

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Raven from Teen TitansI admire her degree of mental control. I wish to attain the level of zen she is able to achieve through meditation. I like her dark spells and the concept of all her personalities being my friend would be fun, as if they were all running around the mansion. She also enjoys poetry and study so we would click.

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Alex Vause from Orange is the New Black, I have the hugest crush on her. Her lewd sense of humor and capacity for fucking up is something I can relate to unfortunately. Plus more lesbians, we discussed this.

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Khal Drogo and Danaeryus Stormborn from Game of Thrones, They are both very sexy and driven individuals. They were a beautiful team and it would please me muchly if the Khaleesi were to share her Khal with me *wiggles eyebrows*

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Louis Huang, He is the sweetest and nicest guy around. Any girl would be lucky to have him. One of the moments I remember most about him is that Jessica his wife said, “You really want me to have the things I want. I’m never going to get mad at you for that.” ❤ Be still my heart.


13 Reasons Why Review


I just recently finished binge-watching this new popular show on Netflix. The story sucks you in. It’s about Hannah Baker the teenager committing suicide. Instead of leaving a suicide note she leaves 13 tapes explaining why she killed herself. Which is pretty twisted, when you think about it. Saw some lists online like this, and decided to make my own.

Characters listed from worst to least awful for their moral failings:

  1. Bryce
  2. The counselor
  3. Courtney
  4. Tyler
  5. Justin
  6. Jessica
  7. Alex
  8. Marcus
  9. Zach
  10. Ryan
  11. Sheri
  12. Clay

It’s obvious why Bryce was selected for the worst human being ever award. I put the counselor as second worst because to me, he was paid to help these kids. It was his job to ensure she got proper help, and he was the only adult in the equation who could have prevented it. In my eyes, he’s more responsible because of this.

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It was a toss up between Courtney and Tyler for the next worst individuals. I decided Courtney was the worst of the two because she went to even greater lengths to damage Hannah’s reputation. Tyler circulated the picture that not only ruined her reputation further, but also invaded her privacy and made her feel not safe.

But Courtney was adamant that Hannah was lying and very vindictive. She spread more rumors about Hannah and even defended Bryce at one point. She was unbelievable to me, and I hated her worst than Tyler.

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Justin was someone I didn’t expect to feel so much sympathy for. His actions are arguably what started Hannah down her path, but I listed him further down the list. He didn’t seem as vindictive as the two I just mentioned- he lied about what he did with her, but it wasn’t him who actually sent the picture around to everyone. My heart bled for him later in the story when we saw what his home life was like.  I even felt terribly sorry for him when the Bryce/Jessica rape happened. He did try to stop it, to his credit. It was an impossible situation for him.

I almost put Marcus ahead of Jessica and Alex. He publicly humiliated Hannah, but then so did Jessica when she slapped Hannah. Not only did she slap Hannah, she effectively ended their friendship. I think Alex and Jessica’s betrayals were worse than what Marcus did because they were supposed to be her old friends. Marcus was just being a big dumb ass who didn’t know her beyond the rumors.

I ultimately put Jessica before Alex because she was a worse friend than him. He made a stupid list. I didn’t think he should have killed himself over it, when other people on the list fucked Hannah over in much bigger ways. Jessica was a worst friend in my book because she believed all the rumors rather than talking it out with her old friend. She went on the offensive and humiliated her instead, also hurting her feelings since they’d once been close.

It was hard for me to decide who was worse between Zach and Ryan. Everything they did to Hannah was behind closed doors. I ultimately decided that Zach was being more cruel and petty than anything. If I were Hannah, I would have a harder time forgiving Zach over Ryan. Ryan published her poem without her consent, but it was almost like a compliment if you listened to him talk about it. He didn’t feel bad about it, he was just sharing art with the world.

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Sherri is someone I didn’t feel deserved to be on the list, either, like Clay. Yes, she was responsible for the death of a classmate, but it’s not like she set out to ruin people’s lives. If I were in her shoes, I might have done the same thing- ran off, that is. I don’t know about leaving Hannah behind. She started off by being nice to Hannah, offering to give her a ride. She wasn’t malicious at all, and was even trying to redeem herself in her own way by volunteering with the elderly couple. I liked her. I was glad when she came clean.

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And of course Clay is on the bottom of the list! Clay is just an adorable fucking teddy bear every girl would love to hug and squeeze. My heart broke for him when he listened to his tape. That and the last episode when he spoke to the counselor about Hannah’s last moments had me crying!!! One thing I will say for him, I admired him going after everyone on the tape and fucking with them somehow, kind of in Hannah’s memory. I felt so bad for him, how difficult it was for him to get through all of the tapes.

My thoughts on Hannah’s tapes:

I was at first shocked how people said they hated Hannah. Why?? She had so much bad stuff happen to her, I wondered. But then when you think about it, the sole purpose of leaving all of these tapes would be to fuck up all the individual’s lives. It’s very perverse to have such an effect on people after your death, to still be able to point fingers beyond the grave.

Some of the people were fucked forever after those tapes. I felt very bad for Alex and Sheri and Clay all being on the list. I even felt bad for Jessica, who learned something she didn’t know about herself because of the tapes.

I don’t blame her for what happened in the room when she was hiding. Maybe she felt like she failed Jessica as a friend… and I guess she did. She could have said something, jumped out of the closet– but then what, become his next victim? It was cowardly of her to hide and let it happen, but better Jessica than herself, right? She obviously got her own. She paid for her mistake. If she had tried harder to get Jessica to remember and throw Bryce in jail, maybe they could have prevented what happened to her.

Favorite character: Would be Clay, but honorable mention-

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Tony! The sherpa up the mountain of kindness. Too cool to be true. I think he made the right call in the end releasing the tapes to Hannah’s parents. It was a huge secret to keep, being the keeper of all the tapes. I also admired him very much for refusing to let Clay be alone when he heard his tape. He acted like a real true friend, and I loved him for how protective he was over Clay. I will admit, I got those fangirl feelings for him lol

Extra Tony goodness:


Stupid shit bothers me, ed. 1

There’s a cute girl that works at my hotel in the coffee shop. She puts me in mind of Selena Gomez, actually. She has fair, smooth looking impeccably flawless skin and long, ink black hair. Her face is round and pleasant, and she has an excellent smile. Her eyes are dark and mirthful most of the time. She seems like a nice girl. She remembers my coffee order and pays me compliments. I am glad to be remembered. I think I want her for a new friend. I have been growing apart from my old set of high school friends, and it is about damn time. I am only friends with 2 of them now, and I have out grown them.

I’d like to get to know this girl better. Today, on my break, I went to go shoot the breeze with her as a first step. I learned that we had some things in common, such as we both work nights, she is currently attending college (I went to college) and we both were home schooled. It was very nice talking with her, I thought she seemed receptive to my company. As I walked away from her coffee in hand, I had a foolish grin on my face thinking of something witty to say and give my younger co-worker PJ a hard time. “Been mackin’ on your girl,” I said to him jokingly. PJ is always making excuses to go to the coffee shop because of his big crush on my potential new friend. My boss Latta was confused by PJ’s incessant offer to go get a coffee for him, and Latta thought he was trying to brown-nose because PJ talks about becoming a GM frequently, and Latta started talking about how it’s all who you know, networking. And I laughed and said, “Oh yeah, PJ is more interested in networking one person in particular.”

I mention all this because of how cute I think that girl is, and the fact that I mentioned flirting with or trying to steal away his little crush. I could pick up women, I have done so before. I am a charming woman, I am nice and I smile a lot. I’m rather friendly and laid back so I make a good first impression. One girl that I picked up at a bar one night, she described me to my then boyfriend as sexy and alluring and that I definitely had a lesbian vibe. I did flirt with her, the night I sat myself down on the bar stool next to hers. I introduced myself and got her to come check out the local art scene with me after a couple of drinks and we’d talked for awhile. I teased her, lightly put my hand on her leg, or placed it on her arm. I didn’t want to sleep with Shira (the girl) that night, but I grew attracted to her after she became our friend and spent more time with us. I wanted to have sex with her. I thought she was incredibly sexy herself. Athletic, toned, short auburn hair. She was artistic, she drank, was wild.

I got rattled when my facebook feed informed me my best friend is coming back into town for the holidays. She just left at the end of October, and I am panicked at the thought of her returning so soon. I don’t want to see her. She makes me uncomfortable. She doesn’t understand my emotionally manipulative and abusive relationship and because she loves me she doesn’t see me as someone who deserves it, and I hate her pointing that out to me. It’s a fact of life that I spend many laborious hours convincing myself otherwise- that I do deserve what I get. My thoughts have turned very dark lately, I find myself thinking I do not deserve anything, I am not worth the breath I draw. Sometimes Jake does not realize that I am at almost all times precariously perched on the lip of a cliff, a deep chasm of despair and self loathing below me, and with one careless word he might shove me over the edge into the never ending darkness that is my own mind. I get so overwhelmed by my own thoughts, I think it would be bliss to forget my own ability to think, exist, be. I want to crawl out the top of my head and leave my old self behind. Shed this skin, become someone new, but I am powerless to do these things. I perceive myself as powerless, and I have no idea how to change this perception of my life without radically altering my self. And the thing is, I don’t know who I would be abandoning or who I am seeking to become in this process. I’m just confused and angsty as fuck. Don’t pay me any mind.

Orange is the New Black [Season 2 Thoughts]

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I have now rewatched these episodes about 5 million times. No joke, this series is my new obsession and my bf is always groaning, “Not that show again!” He is mystified as to why I so enjoy this show still even after several viewings, and I gotta say, it’s because it’s an eclectic, thought provoking, darkly funny show. Jenny Kohan does an excellent job with her character development here in the second season. I loved getting a better look at some of the other’s characters life choices and histories. The creator is a very compelling story teller, and I could feel the pain and confusion that some of these women faced before and during their stays in prison. I was particularly touched by Poussey’s character history and her illicit love affair with that German girl. In fact, all the unfairness and suffering Poussey had to go through this season was very expertly portrayed by Samira Wiley. My heart clenched in my chest over the many indignities she suffered. You could feel her anguish as Taystee was pulled even farther and farther from her grasp. Speaking of which, the powerhouse that is Vee was super entertaining to me, even for all the chaos she spread. I always have to admire strong women who take charge like that, no matter how evil they are. You gotta admire that cunning and intelligence, despite her ill intentions. I was most thoroughly impressed with her ability to get the black girls all behind her almost instantaneously with that cunning use of cake.

The whole reason I came here though was to mention the one thing I don’t see anyone talking about that’s bothering me. It’s like the elephant in the room, so I’ll go ahead and say it; LARRY AND POLLY?!?!?!?! WTF!?! This pairing makes absolutely no sense to me and I can’t help feeling that Larry is doing something desperate and stupid and that he’s bitten off more than he can chew. I sense he’ll back out like a bitch and mess everything up for nothing between Polly and her baby’s daddy, not to mention Piper and Polly. That particular relationship seemed like an extraneous detail that did not need to be added into the show. But then again, Chapman is a complicated cat and she even foolishly loves her back stabbing ex-girlfriend Alex, so I guess it wouldn’t be too hard for her to get over her best friend fucking her ex-fiance. The stupidity of this element of the show was shockingly high, and I feel it was a poor attempt to keep Larry in the loop. Who gives a shit about Larry? Give us more Vause, we say!! =^D


Speaking of romances, I did think it was strange how Daya changed her mind about her decision to frame pornstache. It didn’t make sense to me that she’d go through the trouble to keep her man out of jail at her own personal expense and then go back on that and decide he’s taking the pussy way out when she never even discussed it with him or gave him a choice in the matter in the first place. It’s illogical and immature of her to make this decision, because who’s to say her child will be better off having two convict parents? Pornstache deserved to be behind bars, never mind how he got there. I think Daya is being misguided here, which when you think about it, is probably why she is in prison in the first place. Sometimes I write fanfiction about her, actually, since she’s one of my favorite characters. Props to Bennet for rapping on the spanish girls trying to use him. It was entertaining to see all the way the other inmates reacted to his illegal love affair with Daya, and I particularly enjoyed Red’s knowing look as she casually strolled away from him after he gave her a shot. The exchange of power was delicious, to see the women knowing his secret and thus holding his balls in a vice grip. What else can be done though, when you think with your little head, shit happens sometimes XD

“I think a nice faux-hawk will give that “Don’t fuck with me vibe, y’know?”
“I mostly use my face for that.”

I found Gloria’s back story culturally rich and ripe with social problems. It was sad to see the way her resolve crumbled when her abusive boyfriend got down on his knees and wrapped his arms around her legs. Of course, that’s how the world is, it’s fair in the fact that it’s unfair to everybody. Her abusive, illegal immigrant boyfriend is the one who ought to have been busted, but instead, the poor woman trying to save up enough to leave her abusive situation as discreetly as possible gets bagged. That mean little man that turned her in was so spiteful, it was such a hateful act. Humans suck sometimes.

The development behind Rosa’s character was superb. In the first season, I didn’t get the impression she’d be a side character they’d focus on since she was dying and all, but they sure flipped the script on me. It was unexpectedly thrilling, the story of how she ended up behind bars and so young, too. She looked young, attractive, and saucy for all her Bonnie and Clyde like bank robbings in the past. The fire in her spirit was clear as she grew stronger and more confident with each heist. I would love to read more fanfiction about Rosa’s past, and her curse with the men she loves. I found the hospital scenes with the young cancer patient very touching and and the level of compassion it lent the show was very powerful. I was bouncing in my seat in the very ending, after Rosa finds out she’s dying soon, and Morello says, “Drive fast.” The finale was epic!!! They could not have chosen a better song to be playing on the radio for Miss Rosa (Don’t Fear the Reaper) and I jumped for joy and cheered when she plowed over Vee and killed her in a hit and run for being such a rude person. Over all, the second season didn’t disappoint me, and I cannot wait for the release of the third exactly…. ONE YEAR FROM NOW. *cries*

The latest issue of TIME Magazine proclaims marriage equality “already won”,
regardless of the Supreme Court’s imminent rulings. “The Supreme Court hasn’t
made up its mind – but America has” reads the cover.

Hello, t’is I, Lacy heart

Life is going splendidly well as of late. I got a raise at my job and not only that, I became elligible for an upgraded bank account, I received a free $20 gift card to Sushi Neko, and I bought a new dress 😀 I have enough money to help a friend in need and although my car is giving me problems, I have a back up to drive 🙂 Things at my work are fantabulous, of course. I very much enjoy all my coworkers (besides one, whom no one likes) and things are shaping up nicely. Our hotel recently came into new management right before I joined the team and they are working very hard to make our hotel a success. In fact, they brought in a task force for the front desk since fuckin’ all our staff quit in like a two month period. I came on right before the front office manager, assistant manager, and bellman all quit. And sadness of all sadness, one of the girls I love to death recently had to cut down to 2 days of work a week, one of which is a day I always have off.

I moved back in with my mother and while she does drive me crazy, it’s not the most terrible thing in the world. Sometimes it’s just hard not to think so with my sanity dangling by a thread over here sometimes. I can’t wait to move out. I have become very jealous of all my friends whom have found their very own corner of the world to call their own, their very own freakin’ apartments. I desperately want one but I fear my non-existant education or these stupid car troubles are going to push everything drastically far back…. =[

Referenced Article: How to tell if you are financially ready to get your own (small) place

Questions to Consider~

Do you have good credit?

Do you have a job?
A job is pretty much necessary to show regular deposits and withdrawals from your accounts to show for your accountability. Note: Your monthly rent rate should be no more than 25 to 30 percent of your monthly gross income — that’s the amount you make before taxes — as this is a widespread industry standard most landlords adhere to. That means that if you want to rent a $400 a month apartment, you should make roughly $1200 a month before taxes.

Do you have cash on hand?
You will need cash at the ready for the cash deposit/down payment on your space. Note: Most often your security deposit will be equal to one month’s rent.

Is anyone willing to co-sign a lease with you?
A co-signer is a person who agrees to take legal and financial responsibility for paying your rent or reimbursing the landlord for apartment damages in the event you don’t have the money to do so. Some first-time renters are asked to include a co-signer on their leases. This is more likely to be true if you don’t have a good credit history or a long-term job history, or if you make slightly less money than a landlord would like to see.

Are you considering living with a roommate?
Although there are many advantages to living alone and many people prefer it, the best way to get into a nice apartment that you can truly afford is to rent one with a roommate. Your potential landlord’s income requirements will be halved per person — he’ll view your income and your roommate’s income as one sum — and so will your rent and utility bills.

Have you investigated local rent rates and utility charges?
The sure-fire way to find out if you can realistically afford your first apartment is to investigate your local rental market. Once you’ve found this information, take the time to write out a monthly budget. Don’t forget to include money for groceries, entertainment, gas, car payments and other bills. Compare your projected expenses with the amount of money you make in a typical month, and you’ll have a realistic picture of whether or not you can really afford your first apartment.