1: Happiest memory? I can remember the first time I felt fully and completely in love. I was maybe 16 years old, bidding goodbye to my first teenage love as he went to get in his car and drive home at the end of the night. My heart was flooded with love for him and I thought we’d be high school sweet hearts married and happy one day.
2: Saddest memory? Once, my grandmother said to me that she didn’t know whether or not her daughter (my mom) really loved her or not, because she felt so disrespected. It was the first time my heart ever broke.
3: A moment when you felt the most alone? It would have to be in the moments in the night after I broke up with my last boyfriend. I had no one, and I hated to go home, so I wandered around in my car at nights.
4: Greatest 3 sexual fantasies?
#1 Renting a fancy hotel room, riding in the back of an expensive stretch limousine, and having a fantastic dinner with champagne and chocolate covered strawberries when we return back to the hotel
#2 Foreplay galore for this fantasy- Blind fold me, kiss me all over, put delicious treats or syrups or honey or whip cream on my body and lick me all over. Use ice on me if you want, followed by your tongue.
#3 Be dominant and aggressive and tell me what to do. Might get a little rough, if I’m lucky 😉
5: Greatest hopes/aspirations/dreams? I greatly aspire to be a well-groomed, independent, fun-loving business woman. I want to have my own office and wear skirt pant suits and sexy glasses and heels and be noted for my authority within my realm.
6: What does love feel like to you? Love is glamour. Everyone who is in love is made beautiful by it. Love is wearing beautiful things, going out with the one you love to fancy, candle lit dinners and smiling so much your cheeks hurt. Love is being coveted, adored absolutely. Love is confidence, security, sexy, knowing, kind. Love is getting completely ate up in the other person, wanting to know everything of a person, inside and out. Love is complete devotion, couldn’t ever have it any other way. If you’re bread, I want to be butter to melt into you. Love is breathing a sigh of pleasure. Love is being cared for and doing things for each other out of the kind, gentle spirit of our softened, vulnerable hearts. Love is trust, love is bliss. Love is a leap of joy and faith. Love is wholeness in spirit and in the sheets. Love is crazy. Love is going slowly out of your mind.
7: Do you deal with affection well? Very well! I absolutely love me some P.D.A. ;]
8: How do you deal with stressful situations? I try to withdraw so I can collect my thoughts. It often times help to be isolated in a small, dark room like a closet to help calm myself. Otherwise, I excuse myself to the bathroom for a little privacy.
9: Do you ever catch yourself having a dirty thought about someone you shouldn’t? I used to have thoughts like that more often, but now such carnal temptations are of no use to me.
10: What is it that you fear most?
I fear getting caught with something illegal because of my mother, or her going into prison/jail in general. I also fear for the health of myself and my loved ones and pray that we do not develop diabetes/suffer heart attacks.
11: Who gives you the most strength? My Inner Goddess and desire to strive for a better life
12: You died, what is the after life like?
We create our own heaven, sometimes we may be young and beautiful and flawless or go to a happier time in our lives. I haven’t found Heaven yet but I imagine a strong husband to hold our little child in his arms, and our house living altogether and caring for the two lights of my life. In my heaven, my man knows how much I love him and respects me.
13: You’ve woken up beside your worst enemy, what is your first thought? Well hello self.
14: You’ve woken up beside someone who is not your current lover, what is your first thought?
I think to myself, what the fuck just happened?!? Musta got roofied somehow. I regret my choices.
15: You just found out that you’re pregnant, what do you do?
I freak out, but ultimately decide to keep the baby against my better judgement. I’m not ready for such a thing, but you have to step up to the base if your time arrives.
16: You’ve lost everyone you love, what do you do? Spin into a desperate depression and get heavily into drugs and isolate myself, crying all the time and never seeing the light of day.
17: The weirdest dream you’ve ever had? Once, I dreamt this brother and sister were going to visit their uncle at Gay Camp, like summer camp for gays, and they drove out into the middle of nowhere and there was a tree house of gay midgets wearing bright pink, blue, and purple. They passed the gay tree house and went down the road to a small gathering where a hippie style van painted all over housed their gay uncle, a painfully middle aged white man imitating the style of Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.
18: Share a journal entry.
A Positive Note for You~
When you are left Alone, there is Only You. And when you turn to your inner self, you will truly and finally understand what it is to love yourself. You must, for who can love you if you do not love yourself first? Think about it.
You are your only love who will never leave you. You are the only one is going to look out for what’s best for you, you are the only one who knows what you need and recognizes what it is that you truly want. Only you can deliver your truest pleasures, to thine own self be true. Only by accepting everything you are and are not, can you seize the opportunity for yourself to steal great happiness in life.
It is all about stopping talking bad to yourself. You would not speak that way to others, so why do you permit yourself to speak that way to yourself? You cannot be a victim, you are strong, you have all the weapons you need. We are all each of us born with certain traits and qualities and our job in life is to learn how to best employ them. If you squander your gift, now what kind of life have you chosen to live…?
19: Time is…. an endless march towards death & certain demise, the one thing that connects us all.
20: Pain is…. inevitable, but suffering is optional.
21: What are your most favorite memories of your past relationship with... Elizabeth, she and I used to walk the sidewalks of Yukon and visit the park, having deep talks.
22: What is something you wish you had right now?
I wish I had the doughiest, cheesiest pizza there ever was.
23: What do you hide on a daily basis from the ones you love? My depression and the fact that I’m seeing a therapist
24: Would you sneak around with someone your family despised? I don’t think I have the moxie to, because I might become afraid I’d get attached to the person and could no longer keep them a secret. And relationships shouldn’t be like dirty secrets, imo.
25: It’s the full moon, you have bitten an innocent, how do you deal with what you have done? I would most likely collapse onto my knees in the moonlit rain pouring down in my face as tears of blood stream down my face and I scream my agony into the night and lightning strikes.