Breaking Up is Hard to Do

My friend is in a bad relationship. The first clue should have been that he is technically married. He is a long distance sugar daddy. I can see the appeal in not leaving him- they weren’t dating very long when she wound up with one of his credit cards. He sent her gifts to the hotel all the time so that it was obnoxious and made all the other ladies jealous. He treated her well. They went on trips together once a month. He was very generous and they spoke on the phone everyday.

It got worse, though. He revealed himself to be the jealous kind. He would call up to our job and ask to speak to her, checking if she was really at work. When she was out and about, he would demand that she take a picture of whatever she was doing and send it to him. We live in Oklahoma and he lives in Florida~ he pressures her regularly about when she is going to move out to Florida and live with him.

For some people this would be a dream. Only he’s not physically her type. She gave him a chance but ultimately his life style and decisions are not the direction she wants to go. She is actually a divorcee and just got out of a relationship with an overbearing drug addicted philandering asshole who used to tell on her to her father. It’s a miracle she hasn’t gotten anything from him tbh. Why should she go from one domineering asshole to another clingy bastard that will only make her miserable?

She can’t bear to break up with her boyfriend. She couldn’t break up with her last one, either. She did the fade away as described in the wonderful song featured above. It’s so SILLY! Not wanting to end a relationship because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. That’s hurtful, too, guys. Because you have wasted someone’s time who may have been happy otherwise with someone who truly appreciated them. Prolonging the inevitable only makes it harder.

I have had some messy break up stories. I had to break it off abruptly with the rebound guy I was seeing after my first relationship ended. I was 20 years old, miserable and emotionally vulnerable, and I started dating a fellow I’d been crushing on for awhile. It was just six months after my break up and I was still head over heels in love with my ex. I still had hopes of getting back together so when we got together one night, I took full advantage of it and we had sex. The next day I felt horrible about my actions and decided to break it off with my rebound guy. He’d been cheated on in his past so I thought it was merciful of me not to mention what really happened.

But what did happen between me and the rebound was unfortunate. My timing was absolutely terrible, but in my eyes, it couldn’t be avoided. The guilt was too much for me to prolong our relationship or tell him the truth.

It was the week of my birthday and his mother (whom he lived with) had prepared a cake for me. He had called to ask me when I was coming over to have some when I broke the news to him ๐Ÿ˜› I know I shouldn’t laugh but it’s pretty comical to me after the fact. “OK, we’re breaking up and I’ll never see you again, but you have that cake to comfort you.” LOL I know I’m bad.

I told him I still had feelings for my ex which was true. (The ex and I had an amicable friends with benefits relationship after that, and we did get back together once but it didn’t work out ultimately.)

*~*

The next break up story came after that unfortunate fellow. That same summer, actually. He was a hippie with a thing for adderall. We met through mutual friends at a Pride event.ย  Our relationship took place almost entirely in the back seat of his car with the exception of public parks and bars. We dated for a couple of weeks. Our first date, he invited me to meet him for drinks at a bar.

That summer I was very confused and vulnerable, like I said. When my childhood crush came back from deployment over seas, I jumped at the opportunity to be with him. He came to my mother’s birthday party one night to drink and we hooked up. Everyone was very surprised when he came out of my room the next morning.

I was only casually dating the hippie. I did not consider what I had done cheating. (The hippie was talking to other girls also so he wouldn’t have cared.) My childhood crush and I were not exclusive either. It was a one time thing (that we knew of at the time). I don’t know why, it was somehow just something we both understood. A drunken hook up that I didn’t remember very well but cherished nonetheless. I later described this as “banging for my country.” It is the only charitable thing to do after all LOL

The thing that led me to break up with the hippie was actually minor. One night after making out in his car, he casually commented to me that “my mustache kind of freaked him out.” I could have DIED of embarrassment. I have peach fuzz but to out and out call it a mustache mortified me. By the end of the night, I knew I would no longer be seeing him anymore.

I decided to break it off with him where things had started. I invited him to the same bar we had our first date. After we had some drinks, I mustered up my courage in the parking lot to tell him the news. I was shocked by his response. We hadn’t been dating very long, but he started crying at the news! He wanted me to comfort him and it was very awkward. Thnx but nothnx, bye!

*~*

Fast forward a year. After a successful second long term boyfriend, we had a mutual break up. No drama. I found myself in the dating world again.

I stumbled upon a good looking cholo who thought the world of me. I met him randomly going to get my car worked on. He liked me a lot and was going to be respectful at the end of our first date. I didn’t let him, though.

I liked him so much and things were going so well that I managed to finagle us into a frenzied coupling in his big pick up truck. We were parked in a residential area as we got our freak on. I was scandalized afterwards when he threw the used condom out onto the street!! Haha, weird standard I guess, but hey! Hump me in a parking lot, but don’t throw the evidence out into the world for everyone to see! Plus think how inconsiderate that is of children in the area. Like be a fucking gentleman and put that shit in your pocket or literally ANYWHERE else.

He called me to hook up again, but I never returned any of his phone calls. I never explained to him what had so turned me off. He tricked me one day by calling from a different number and said that his friends told him I had “one and done’d him” lol

Sorry, the truth is gross ๐Ÿ˜›

****And these are some of my weirder break up stories

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Marital Relations

Jake and I had a big fight last night. He decided to be an utter asshole when I invited my cousin and mother over to the house in the middle of the night. It was about midnight, and Jake and I are up all night anyways. Jake immediately got hot under the collar when I told him they were coming, reminding me how little sleep he got before going into work that day. OK, so??? Like you weren’t going to be up all night with me anyhow. I know for a fact we were up until at 3 in the morning that night, if not later!

I had been trying to compromise from the get go. First my cousin asked if I would meet him at my mother’s house, and I told him no and invited him over so that me nor Jake would have to leave the house. I thought that would be better than me leaving him at the house, or worse, trying to convince him to go to mom’s.

As predicted, he was really irritated about them coming to the house. And when I ventured to him that perhaps we might go over to mom’s house for just a short while, that pissed him off more. He didn’t want to leave the house, and he got super pissed at me I guess from the lack of sleep but really because he can be an A-Class asshole sometimes.

Long story short, about 10-15 minutes after I made the plans with my cousin, I had to suppress my tears from our fight long enough to appear calm and call my family. I made a lame excuse that Jake had just reminded me we were supposed to go to the gym to save face for him, and that was that. Jake still proceeded to look at me like I was crazy, and he continued the fight for another 2 hours or so reminding me constantly that I’m selfish and I don’t care about him and maybe I should just leave if I want to party all night. Yeah, spending some time with two other people in my family is REEEEAAAALLY PARTYING IT UP MY FRIEND >_<

He made me so mad and made me feel like dog shit on his shoe. He ground me into the ground, stepping on me over and over again, telling me how I make stupid decisions and I make him feel sluggish and unmotivated. Like I’m the worst person in the world and I’m the one that’s doing him so wrong, like I’m not the only one in his corner urging him on. I am his only friend, I put up with him day and night and I’m willing to do so because I love him. But he sure did make me feel bad last night.

The feeling continued into today. He seemed kind of cool towards me and it made me worry that what he said in heat was what he really meant. He said he didn’t want to be with me if I was going to keep him from his goals, his primary being to pass the national certification test. ONE NIGHT, I got irritated that he was playing a tutorial on youtube and netflix on another tv. The conflicting noises annoyed me, and I told him to turn his tutorial down. Ever since then, he says he’s not allowed to study around me and that I’m holding him back by not going to the gym with him more often or letting him study. I’m okay with both of those, I argued with him that just because ONE NIGHT I’m annoyed, that doesn’t mean the rest of his days he isn’t allowed to study, FUCK!!! He annoys me tremendously and has been sliding back into a suspicious mindset.

He gets upset whenever I am late from work. SORR-EEEEE I WORK FOR A GODDAMN LIVING. Occasionally, instead of leaving at 11:00pm as I am scheduled, I end up leaving a little late finishing up this or that at work. I used to be sneaky and claim to be late when I was really planning an outing, but NEWSFLASH: I don’t have illicit outings anymore. I have not been doing any shady dealing for a very long time. I gave that stuff up when I decided I wanted to marry him, BEFORE that even. I just don’t get how he can still judge me by my past so harshly when I forgive every other slight that he wounds me.

It’s definitely not fair, but then, who said life was fair? He’s been disconcerted lately because we’ve barely had any days off together in the past 2 months or so. I haven’t made it a priority to get those days off together and now I see that is a mistake. I will have to be more adamant in the future that I at least get one day off with Jake to ease his anxiety. I think he really just misses me, so I shouldn’t be so paranoid about the mean things he says when he’s mad. Maybe he didn’t mean it.

Horror of horrors if he did.

Strange but True vol. II

What kind of t-shirt are you?
Happy Girls Are The Prettiest  by hopealittle:

You Are a Basic T-shirt

You are a very humble, low maintenance person. You find contentment easily.ย You are easy-going and very social. You like being around other people more than anything else.

Some may accuse you of being lazy, but you just don’t work any harder than you need to.

You are happiest when things are kept casual. You think formality is a lot of unnecessary fuss.

As of late, I have been gathering all my contacts information for Jake and I’s engagement party. I am so excited for this event!! As much as I hate it, my Grandpa has been making me make arrangements through Rhonda for things for the party. Normally a woman I never talk to, it’s been kind of a strain on me trying to get it done. We don’t know each other well, me and Rhonda and she has the unfortunate position in our family of having been the woman our belovedย matriarchย was cheated on with. It’s not necessarily her fault because let’s face it it takes two to tango.
Speaking of the horizontal dance, I called my Aunt Rob to iron out some details for the party. As usual, I was on the phone with her at length and conversation turned towards her own illicit behavior, because we were talking about Grandpa.
(Background info: Rhonda found out that he was cheating on her with a woman in South Dakota. She’s been mad at anyone who knew about it, i.e. mom and J.R. and possibly me if mom texted Grandpa about the hotel room I got him. It’s weird because I’m pretty sure I’m on her shit list also, but I’m at least trying, you know?)
Rob cheats on her husband, and one of the reasons I called was to clarify that I wanted my engagement party to be A FAMILY EVENT. That means you and your husband and children, dammit, not you and your boyfriend you get drunk with. I find it very odd that this is a clarification I have to make in my family. And it’s not the first time, either.
On my 21st birthday, my Aunt Rob asked to bring a different boyfriend back then instead of her family. It was fucking weird. I felt so bad for Dave, and still do. She was super inclined not to bring him along, and he admittedly hates visiting our side of the family. But I still wanted him to feel included, so I felt the need to specify with Rob. Ugh lol -_- I guess we’ll see what happens.
Postsecret of the week:
sisterfrida

Moral of the story: You don’t get to chooseย your family.

Ladies Night Out at Wine & Palette OKC

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imageIt was a smashing experience!! Great fun, watered down drinks so I didn’t get drunk or anything. Being surrounded by and involved in so much art felt very therapeutic and fun to me. The girls suggested we start going every month, and wouldn’t that be great?

 

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Alisha’s favorite was of course Aladdin from Disney.

 

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~*~ Gettin’ My Drink On ~*~

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It all would have been a really great night out if I didn’t have sour face Jake there to pick me up at the end of the night. I tell you I can’t win with that man. I do duplicitous things behind his back and he finds out and gets mad. I decide to own up and be honest before I am going to do something he’ll dislike, and he still gets royally pissed. He was mad that night and didn’t speak to me for like 3 hours, stewing in his anger. He was upset because he believes in a pact where I won’t drink if he’s not around. He’s worried I’ll get drunk and lose my inhibitions. Damn fool, doesn’t he realize with this ring on my finger he will not be getting rid of me quite so easily?!?!?!

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Jake and I had an excellent time our last two days off. I greatly enjoy being with him, and I want him to be mine forever. I’m ready to be married, even if I’m scared or have second thoughts myself sometimes. But I know I want it; I don’t want to worry about being alone, being rejected, told to leave for good. He can’t tell me to leave if I tether myself to him and he agrees to it, I will hold him to his promise to love, protect, and provide for me.

I want him to be my person. I can rely on Jake. I trust Jake with my life. I would do whatever Jake said in a crisis situation. I would follow Jake anywhere. Jake and I started watching THE WALKING DEAD and we absolutely love it. I’m only on season 2, but that show is seriously GREAT! It’s nail biting the entire time, and some of the difficult decisions they make have me leaping from my seat, either cheering or crying out for them.

All these scenes of the women having to send their men off on some mission or rather- Dear God in Heaven, Jake and I entertain the aspect that some kind of apocalyptic situation could occur and in all these imaginations, Jake is my by my side no matter what. There is no way in hell I would ever let him go somewhere I couldn’t follow. I would never be separated from him, he is my other half and we will love and take care of each other always and forever.

If he’ll only have me. Sometimes, he doesn’t seem as interested or committed as I am. He’s been acting skittish lately, and it makes me feel very disappointed and heart broken. I feel so sure, and he acts like I can’t be trusted and that I am not a good woman. It hurts my heart, I love him with all of me, despite what it does to other people in my life and at my own expense. I love him, and he can’t even see that.

it’s a little early for cold feet, isnt it?

Postsecret of the week:

1.ring

Being with Jake always has been and always will be full of trials and tribulations. Jake is a complicated guy. Jacob has suffered a nontraditional upbringing and had to basically raise himself, when he wasn’t floating here or there in the foster system. His father was hooked on drugs all his life. His father was also blind and never worked. Jake and his siblings often times went without while their father used all their money for drugs. They lived in shitty motels, getting kicked out constantly, or their lives constantly put in danger because of their father’s shady friends. He was in and out of jail constantly, and Jake stayed with different family members all over and the foster care system as well.

His sister once commented to me that coming from what they do, it’s difficult for them to trust and be with someone, and I completely understand what she was saying. Jake isn’t perfect, but I love him. He’s so not perfect that the other night last week, I came home from work ONE HOUR LATE and for about two and a half days after, he treated me like shit saying I’m an untrustworthy hoe, or at least he might as well have said it. He kept reminding me of my previous transgressions against him, saying, “Why would I want to marry someone I know can do something like that?” UGH. I NEVER CHEATED, CHILLAX BRO. *rolls eyes* We’ve actually been getting along super well for like 3-4 months now, so I don’t know what the fuck crawled up his ass all of a sudden.

He reminds me of my mother, actually, because he’s very hard to please. But I have chosen Jake so far in life because he is always trying to shape me into something better, more focused, more mature. He is always encouraging me to be the best that I can be, rather than lazy or immature or irresponsible. He makes us make responsible, good decisions even when I drag my feet or don’t see the wisdom immediately.

Right now Jake is desperate to get me to buy a house I don’t really want. I thought it was too small, and I hate the fact that it is in Moore off the high way. I feel like we are asking for it, but Jake has promised me he will get us a storm shelter right away. I made him promise I have to have it within 6 months of moving in. It’s my compromise for living in Moore, which I absolutely do not want to do. Jake always gets impatient with my concerns, saying that he wants to live somewhere it’s safe to walk down the street. He’s not concerned about tornadoes, but I sure the fuck am!!!

It makes me feel trivialized how he bats my concerns to the side. He gets downright impatient and mean when I bring them up. He’s like, “It’s Oklahoma, there’s risk of tornado anywhere you move!!” and I want to yell at him: “OK, sure, but why the fuck do we have to move to the place on the map that they almost ALWAYS go WITHOUT FAIL????” *cries in frustration* I DON’T WANT TO LIVE IN MOORE, I WISH JAKE WOULD LISTEN TO ME.

p.s. update on the job front
lol I had no reason to trip over Veronica. She never even showed for her interview. I was likeย MENTAL HIGH FIVE when my boss told me ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€