Get to Know Me Survey

  • What does your ideal day look like?
    Image result for reading
    An afternoon spent outdoors, reading a book with nowhere to be.
  • What did you want to be when you were younger? A writer, songwriter. When I was really young I wanted to be a singer like Selena 😛
  • Who are you most inspired by? Why? I am inspired by my husband and his pragmatic view on life, and his loving nature. He’s went through a lot but he still helps those who are less fortunate.
  • Who would you love to meet? What would you ask? Harriett Tubman. I would just want to hear more about her experience working for the Union during the Civil War.
  • What habit would you most like to break? What habit would you most like to start?
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    Smoking would be a good habit to kick for my health. I would like to someday be the type of person who gets exhilarated at the thought of working out. (Currently, that is the not the case.)
  • Think of a person you truly admire. What qualities do you like about that person? In my career, I have found myself thinking of my previous boss Latta lately. I want to be as good at my job as he was. He was a very supportive and cool boss. He got to know you, talked and joked with you, and bought you lunches- sent you on runs when you got stressed and needed to get away. More than anything, he trained you to do your job well so his would be less of a headache. He was an empathetic leader, rather than boss.Image result for leader boss
  • How do you like to relax? Relaxing with soft music and candlelight in the bathtub
  • When was the last time you did something you were afraid of? It was in my career. The last thing I was afraid to do was apply for the front office manager position a few months back. I was terrified because I didn’t really want all the stress that went with all the responsibilities. It worked out for me, because I didn’t get the position. My manager did not feel I was ready, and I hated to agree with her.
  • What are you most proud of? I am proud that my life doesn’t revolve around alcohol and getting fucked up, forgetting myself, anymore. I have moved past that urge and stage of my life, all because of my husband.
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  • What are you most afraid of? Probably being raped, or held up at gunpoint or a scenario where both of these events are likely i.e. the apocalypse or zombies
  • If life stopped today, what would you regret not doing? I would die regretting how things have become between my mother and my self. I can (and am) write a novel about the sorrow and disappointments that we’ve had together.
  • Who would you like to connect (or reconnect) with? Why? I miss my Grandpa. He has always supported me and loved me, even if he doesn’t know me that well. It’s not anyone’s fault, we’re both just busy and the whole family has fallen apart since Granny died.
  • What qualities do you admire in others? Creativity, quirkiness, outgoing behavior
  • What practical skills do you wish you had? I wish that I could master basic cooking and/or baking. Skills in the kitchen would be nice. I would also like to know how to clean and cook fish properly but never done that before.
    Image result for gordon ramsay cooking
  • Imagine you’re in your 90s. What memories would you like to have? What stories do you want to tell? I would tell about the enormously successful life I’d had as a published author and screenwriter and all the money I earned; the nice house I lived in with all my foster children and loving husband.
  • What is your favorite book/movie/song? Why?
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    My favorite book in the entire world is Gone with the Wind. I am rereading it for the 8th year in a row as I do traditionally. These two characters were made for each other in a way that no other two people have ever been. The world that Mitchell created is so immersive and well-crafted. I loved how the characters went so well together and I absolutely loved the character of Melanie Wilkes. She reminded me of my grandma; a great lady. The way that Scarlett changed as the world changed around her was very gripping and hard to put down.
  • If you could make one change in the world, what would it be? I would take down Mcdonalds/discourage widespread commercialism for fast food restaurants/make America slimmer & healthier/make healthy food popular, fast, and easy to get
  • What do you love to do for, or give to others (not an object – something from you personally)? I like to give compliments to people.
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  • What excites you? Art and writing; geeky TV shows
  • What do you wish you did more of? I wish that I worked out more, and worked on my art/collages more often. I am much more creative than I have acted lately.
  • Pretend money is no object. What would you do? Buy a new house and hire a professional decorator to do the house. Build a tree house in the backyard. Get a bitchin’ car. Pay for my mother’s rehab. See a therapist regularly.
  • What area of your life, right now, makes you feel the best? The best section of my life right now is my marriage. My career has been in a rut, and my family life is dismal.
  • Which area makes you feel the worst? Why? The family life is bad, and it’s bad because none of us are putting in any effort. We never try to see each other anymore. We’re all “busy” and we don’t know each other anymore. Splintered, apart. Sad.
  • Let’s jump forward a year. What would you like to have achieved in the past year? I would like to secure a better paying job and tweak my career some. I am open to new avenues and exploring different options. I’d like to have a job that was monday through friday, sitting at a desk somewhere. Making a lot more money, sitting comfy. I want to have gotten rid of a substantial amount of our shared debt.
  • What piece of advice would you give to five year old you? Sixteen year old you? Twenty-one year old you? Right now?
    Five: “Don’t let everyone push you around, you deserve your own opinions just like anyone else.”
    Sixteen: “When Granny goes into surgery, spend more time with your mother. She’s scared and anxious and she just needs you around. Be more patient; go with her to the shops when she goes to look at plants. It doesn’t matter that you hate plants and find it boring. Don’t be an asshole and sit in the car reading manga ignoring her. She needs you, you’re going to be her only person. It feels weird and tense right now, but your rocky relationship with your mother is only going to get worse. She’s going to fail you someday, and you should concentrate on trying not to be so disappointed when it happens. Be strong.”
    Twenty-one: “You’re doing you, just fine! You’re going to look back on these days fondly. But for heaven’s fucking sake, when Joshua comes into your life with his poetry and artistic streak, don’t be tempted. He will ruin you, and there’s nothing beautiful about it. Don’t risk yourself on him. Get back together with Hakim immediately when he asks.” (A Great Regret of My Life)
    Now: “You need to care more about yourself, try harder. It takes effort to maintain a positive attitude, but you can’t afford to let your depression overwhelm you and take control of your life. You’re not your best when you’re depressed, so fight it. Pay attention. Be mindful.”
  • How do you want to be remembered in life? Someday, I want to be the kind of Mom my Granny was to me. I want to love some little light with all my might. I want to love them, praise them, and turn a blind eye to all their faults. I will build them up, make them loved and supported. I want to be the kind of mom that doesn’t have to scold you, the look of disappointment on her face is enough to make you feel ashamed. I want to raise good kids, whether they are my own or not. I just want to share my love and make the world a better place by raising children to be empathetic, kind adults.

I LOVE CHEAP THRILLS (SURVEY)

Listen to this song on loop like I have for the past several hours; I’m in fuckin’ love.

  1. What are your strengths?
    I’m a compassionate and open minded person. I’m very laid back so flying by the seat of my pants is usually comfortable to me/I’m flexible enough to adjust when shit gets fucked up.
  2. What are your short term and long term goals for yourself?

    Short term= Get married, improve sex life.
    Long term= happily married, own our own house, and fostering young children, maybe working as a stay-at-home writer.
  3. Who matters most to you?
    My lover and my mother, in that order. They both break my heart.
  4. What are you ashamed of?
    I’m ashamed of my parents. I’m ashamed of my own inability to to get off drugs, and also for the fact my parents both have problems with addiction as well. I’m ashamed that I’m occasionally mentally unwell.
  5. What do you like to do for fun?
    I enjoy taking pictures, forcing others to be in them. I enjoy poetry and art.
  6. What new activities are you interested in or willing to try?

    I am playing Pokemon Go which is the newest fad for those of my generation. It’s pretty cool, ngl. Me and Jake had fun hitting all the Poke Stops in the area and meeting other players.
  7. What are you worried about?
    Mostly I am worried about our wedding and the marriage thereafter. I’m also a little worried about my job since a new boss is coming to run the show. (Still glad it’s not me.)
  8. What are your values? What do you believe in?

    Generally, my mission in life is to carry on my grandma’s spirit of grace and generosity. She was a truly classy lady whom everyone loved, and to wind up half the person she was would please me. Only I have a long way to go. . . Spread kindness, practice patience. Be understanding, a rock to lean on. Do not judge others lest ye yourself be judged. Live and Let Live.

  9. If you could have one wish, what would it be?
    I would most certainly wish for my Grandma to be alive. So many things would be different, not so broken anymore. Myself included. Her love was hard to lose. I would do anything to get it back.
  10. Where do you feel the safest?
    Honestly, I really like being in my car all alone. It feels like a space big enough for just me, and I actually enjoyed taking the long trips out to my Indian clinic just because of the solitude. You can sing or scream as loud as you want, it’s your friggin’ space.
  11. What or who gives me comfort?
    I feel comforted when I am with Jacob, and he holds me in his arms and strokes his fingers across my scalp gingerly. The stress just melts out the top of my head, and I feel like I was probably a cat in a past life.
  12. If you weren’t afraid, you would…..
    I would ask Jake’s grandpa for money for the wedding. It would upset both Jake and his Grandpa though, so I feel agitated. I’m sure he’d help if he knew how much I wanted it. But there’s no way to bring it about tactfully!!!
  13. What is your proudest accomplishment?
    I won 2nd place at a DECA state competition once.
  14. What is your biggest failure?
    I didn’t graduate college. I am one class away from it, but it was too hard so I stopped trying. Pitiful *smh*
  15. What do you like about your job? What do you dislike?
    Like= the incentives, the $$$, the people I work with
    Dislike=it gets busy/stressful, the hours- my bf gets pissed when I work late
  16. What does your inner critic say about you?

    that’s what I say to it!!! but really it says I’m fat, unhealthy, and crazy. Why is this man marrying me??? I’m going to be a terrible housewife because I already am. Gotta get my shit together.
  17. What do you do to show yourself self-care?
    I need to beef up on this, the only thing I can think of is when I soak my feet in epsom salts after a hard day on them. I need to take better care of myself. But saying a thing is different than actually doing it, I’ve found.
  18. What are you passionate about?
    I do feel pretty passionate about being a professional in the hospitality career. I more so feel a passion for professionalism, and would like to use this for writing to make money someday if I can!
  19. What is your happiest memory?
    I’m glad for everytime I hugged my Grandma’s neck and told her I loved her and appreciated her. I was also very happy on my birthday this year, it was the best one I’ve had in years with absolutely no tears!!! (Very rare)
  20. What are you grateful for today?
    I love my baby. I am more glad than ever to know he loves me and misses me and can’t get enough of me. I know he’s secretly crazy about me, even when he tries to show me he can do without me. No he can’t. I can’t either 🙂

Future’s So Bright I Need Shades

BeFunky Collage

  1. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
    In  10 years, I’ll be 36 years old. Hopefully, Jake and I will be happily married. We will own our own land and house. We will probably be fostering a little boy, or teenage boy. Unless I’ve had a natural child by then.

  2. Do you want to get married?
    I’m getting married in two months!!!!

  3. Do you want to have children?
    Yes. Just not now.

  4. Do you want to move? If yes, where?
    Yes. Jake and I may someday move to Colorado, the land of the legal.

  5. How does your dream house look like?
    A one story, spacious house with bay windows. Organized, clean.

  6. What is your dream job?
    I would love to be a stay-at-home writer someday.

  7. What are five things you want to do before you die?
    I. Foster children
    II. See Niagra Falls
    III. Get a breast reduction
    IV. Skydive at least once
    V. Visit Las Vegas!!!

  8. Are you scared of the future?
    Only that I won’t measure up, can never be the functional and organized human being I’d like to be someday. I’d like to become more grounded and responsible, but still be fun and unpredictable.

  9. What’s your biggest dream you would like to achieve in life?
    I’d like to get my mother off drugs and somehow pull our family back together. 
  10. What would be the ideal age for you to die?
    I’d ideally like to die before I am old and decrepit. I’d like to die with some dignity, maybe peacefully lying in bed. I hope I don’t die of diabetes. A lot of the women in our family die in their seventies….o.o

 

Let the Healing Begin

I have done something good for myself. I have recognized that it is time to ascend to my second chakra and attend to my other needs. I have established a base, however infirm it is. Now is a period of transformation, an acceptance of change, and I must carry myself with grace.

I wrote a letter on behalf of Johnny this afternoon. That was a more challenging experience than I anticipated.  It was pretty difficult considering I think he’s really a fool no one should bother about. It was sad to talk about him at therapy this morning. Because, that’s right, I ACTUALLY MADE AN APPOINTMENT! That is a sure sign of progress.

I’ve also discovered that

is not a safe place to be right now x_x lol I want so badly to scroll, but I haven’t seen the latest episode of Once Upon a Time yet!!! >__<

Anyways, it’s November, so let us begin the gratitude. I am ever so thankful for…

  1. a working vehicle
  2. a hard working man
  3. anxiety medication
  4. netflix, a means of entertainment
  5. a GOOD PAYING JOB! 😀

Daria Survey Season 5

  • Fizz Ed: What’s your favorite soda?
    Sprite
  • Sappy Anniversary: Have you ever forgotten an important date?
    Sometimes I forget my family member’s birthdays >__>
  • Fat Like Me: Have you ever tried to lose weight?
    I have and it has always been a struggle.
  • Camp Fear: How well do you handle organized activities?
    I’m pretty chill, I always go with the flow.
  • The Story of D: How well do you deal with rejection?
    I try to shrug it off, it happens sometimes.
  • Lucky Strike: Talk about your favorite substitute teacher.
    I can’t recall liking any one in particular =/
  • Art Burn: How much do you value originality?
    Nothing is original, in my opinion. It’s all about a person’s influences and the beauty of their work in the end.
  • One J at a Time: Do you date around, prefer a single partner, or neither?
    I prefer to be in monogamous relationships.
  • Life in the Past Lane: What’s the weirdest experience you’ve had with someone you’ve dated?
    I was dating a poet once and we went to hang out at his brother’s after open mic. He said let me go in ahead of you to make sure it’s okay and I said sure. He came back out and reported to me that his brother had a few friends over, but it would be okay if we joined. I walked into the man cave out back, and lo and behold, my first ex was sitting in the room. He was my date’s brother-in-law’s friend.
  • Aunt Nauseam: Do you get along with your extended family?
    I grew up with them, and now we don’t talk to each other =(
  • Prize Fighters: Have you ever been passed over for something for something you wanted because of a reason you found to be ridiculous?
    No, when I was, it was because my punctuality was called into question and I was admittedly late more often than admissible =/ Learned that lesson the hard way.
  • My Night at Daria’s: Have you ever stayed out too late with a significant other?
    I can remember all the times my first boyfriend and I hung out so late past curfew. We always claimed that he was taking me home early, when in reality we’d told my mom we were watching a movie and we’d be home late. Unaccounted for time in the middle is what we lived for *eyebrow waggle* lol
  • Boxing Daria: What’s a childhood memory that shaped who you are today?
    When I was an adolescent, I lost my grandma. She made me who I am today.
  • Is It College Yet?: What are your plans for the future?
    I’d like to get married and move into a house somewhere. Eventually become foster parents once we become more financially secure a few years down the road.

Daria Season 4 Survey

  • Partner’s Complaint: Have you ever used your resources to gain an advantage?
    I just used my friendship to get an edge over somebody else. Eat it bitch lol
  • Antisocial Climbers: What does it take for you to apologize to your friends?
    Practically nothing, I was always the first to say sorry even when I wasn’t.
  • A Tree Grows in Lawndale: Talk about a bad decision you’ve made.
    I had an opportunity to be with someone who truly loved me and I turned him down. I chose to be with a fucked up loser instead, and I always regret that decision. I might be married by now, if that weren’t the case *sigh*
  • Murder, She Snored: What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?
    Once, I had a dream about a young hooker who got sick and passed out in the rain. A kindly family came upon her and rescued her and took her in. It turned out they were a band of travelling magicians, two parents and their young blonde son. The hooker wakes up and decides to thank them by sleeping with their son, and then is horrified when she finds out that the magicians are her parents, and has therefor slept with her brother *heebie jeebies comence*
  • The F Word: Are you afraid of failure?
    Failure isn’t something to be afraid of. The real thing you should fear is not learning something from your mistakes. In my business, we call failures “guest opportunities” because they’re always a way to turn things around.
  • I Loathe a Parade: How do you feel about parades?
    If they’re not throwing candy, what’s the point?
  • Of Human Bonding: How’s your relationship with your parents?
    I’m not speaking to my incarcerated father and my mother drives me crazy.
  • Psycho Therapy: Have you ever needed a psychological examination?
    Yes, unfortunately I have. But it’s helped a lot.
  • Mart of Darkness: What’s your weirdest experience in a store?
    Recently, we were near the check out when he heard a dispute going on at the front of the store. A guy was arguing with management for some reason and they were trying to kick him out.
  • Legends of the Mall: Do you know any good ghost stories? Care to share?
    When my uncle was a toddler, he was out in the pasture playing when my grandma stepped out of the house to call him in for dinner. She saw him talking animately, using hand gestures standing out by the barn. He looked like he was talking to someone, but no one was there. She called for him, and he came, and she asked him what he’d been doing. He was talking to Uncle Kermit, a relative that had been dead a couple years.
  • Groped by an Angel: What do you believe in?
    Treating others as you would have yourself treated, with dignity and compassion.
  • Fire!: Have you ever had a house fire?
    Thank God, no!!
  • Dye! Dye! My Darling!: Have you ever cheated on someone or been the person someone’s cheated with?
    I’m not proud to admit it, but I have been.
  • Is it Fall Yet?: Talk about your favorite summer.
    It was probably any of the ones when I was younger, and we went to float the river every summer. I spent my time as a tomboy playing with 2 boys who sparked my love of Dragonball Z

This is the #storyofmylife here lately ^_^ I have been binge watching a few shows. Most notably, Once Upon A Time is the one that pertains to the above. There’s also American Horror Story and the series iZombie featuring a zombie named “Liv Moore” lol

Daria Survey Season 3

  • Through a Lens Darkly: Do you need glasses/contacts?
    Most definitely. I don’t envy any driver that’s around me at night without glasses lol
  • The Old and the Beautiful: Who’s your favorite old person?
    My Grandpa. He is the best.
  • Depth Takes a Holiday: Describe your favorite holiday memory.
    I always loved Granny’s Thanksgivings. Granny always let each person request an item, and one year I asked for fortune cookies and my Grandpa got some for the whole family 🙂
  • Daria Dance Party: Have you ever been to a dance?
    I have been. The first guy I ever asked to dance turned me down :/
  • The Lost Girls: Are you “edgy”?
    Not in the slightest.
  • It Happened One Nut: What was your first job? What’s your dream job?
    My first job was at Candid Color, and I liked it. My dream job is to be where Ivy is, a front desk manager.
  • Daria! The Musical: What’s your favorite musical?
    The Producers. I am a sucker for the old granny scene, it always makes my day.
  • Lane Miserables: How is it for you when family visits?
    The same as this episode, where you can’t wait for them to leave. Things get hectic when all my family is around.
  • Jake of Hearts: When did you first come to terms with your own or someone else’s mortality?
    That was when my favorite pet cat died, Candyman. I was 15 and we had to put him down.
  • Speedtrapped: Do you have a bad driving story? (What is it?)
    My mother and I got lost in Houston, TX. We circled the same building and highway so many times we lost count because we printed directions to get to the place we were visiting, but not to get back home. It was hilarious, my mom’s racism came screaming out. She was like, “I need directions from an old, white guy!!! They’ll know, I wouldn’t trust any of these foreigners more than I would a woman for directions.” lol
  • The Lawndale File: Do you believe in aliens?
    I do. I have an open mind.
  • Just Add Water: Have you ever been on a boat?
    I have, yes. My dad owned a boat when I was younger, and we used to go to the lake.
  • Jane’s Addition: How did you meet your last significant other?
    The last person I was with, I met at an art community event. It was an open mic for poetry, and it was his first time performing.

~TBC~

Friday the 13th

Today was my first day at the Residence Inn by Marriott. I must say I am fucking THRILLED!! 😀 😀 😀

It was like 25% the work AND the stress, more importantly. *banners drop, confetti flies everywhere* I damn well deserve to celebrate, I found a piece of cake to get me by. I can totally make this job work and I’m very much looking forward to working with 2 managers I have worked with before and enjoyed. It’s going to be amazing 😀

Daria Survey Season 2

Arts ‘N Crass: Ever scare your teachers with something you turned in?
No, I can safely say I did not. But I have disturbed my parents before with homoerotica.

The Daria Hunter: Describe your worst field trip ever.
My class escort was my dad’s girlfriend. We went to the zoo in highschool, and she had to stay behind with me at the entrance to the water creature part of the park. I can’t go into aquariums, and it’s very embarrassing to have to admit my phobia and anxiety.

Quinn the Brain: How do you feel when someone takes your “role”?
I feel threatened when someone shines brighter than me at work. I’m usually the go-getter, so it perturbs me when someone is doing better than I am.

I Don’t: Describe your worst experience at a wedding.
I don’t think I’ve had bad moments at any weddings I’ve been to, fortunately.

That Was Then, This is Dumb: How do you feel about your parents’ friends?
My mom is friends with a bunch of low-lifes. I can’t stand any of them anymore, besides maybe one.

Monster: What’s something that you think is superficial?
Stripping? Taking advantage of your body? I mean, the body is going to decompose. I think you should have value outside of it, otherwise you’re fucked when your looks go. Be valued for your brain, if you can.

The New Kid: Have you ever hung out with the new kid?
I have, and for some reason he is always weird in some way.

Gifted: Were you ever the smartest kid in school?
I was viewed as an egg head, so you could say so, yes. I was friends with all the AP kids, myself included. I was on the honor roll, vice president of the chess club. I even participated in a few other clubs, too. I was an A-B student without even having to try. I was serious, and always listening. Quiet. Wore glasses. Liked anime. Big geek.

Ill: Talk about a time you were in the hospital.
I used to have to visit hospitals all the time when my Grandma was ill. A horrible experience each and everytime, I always ended up crying.

Fair Enough: Have you ever been to a school fundraiser?
Yes, I believe i’ve been to a few fun days where the money goes to make-a-wish.

See Jane Run: Were/are you on any sports teams?
That was the one extracurricular activity I was never interested in. I was actually like Daria in that episode, very unsupportive when my best friend got on the track team and started spending less time with me lol

Pierce Me: Do you have any piercings?
Just my ears!

Write Where it Hurts: Are you a writer?
I am! I moonlight as an erotic novelist, and I also write fanfiction.

~TBC~