Go to your happy place

I live at the X-Men mansion. Have the power to travel interdimensionally and experience others worlds, or copy elements in their current habitat and encourage others to see and hear things that are not physically present.

People That Live with me in the Mansion:

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Carol & Daryl from The Walking DeadThese two are a dynamite duo!! They are the main security of the mansion because ain’t no shit getting past these two! I love how bad ass they are both together and apart as individuals. Carol is genuinely a role model of mine, at least from the TV series. (Have not read the comic, aspire to)

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Andy and April from Parks and Recreation, I dig both of these two hardcore. Andy is my spirit animal. I would love to hang out with both of them, because of his entertainment value and her dry wit. Her dark sense of humor would jive with the rest of the group.

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Michael and Eleanor, They are hilarious! *wink*

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Daria Morgendorfer and Jane Lane from Dariafor their unending sarcasm and quips. Their intelligence and penchant for art and poetry combined make them a great duo.

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Jason Mendoza and Janet, because I need a lot of light heartedness to balance the darkness in my mind

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Lorraine Broughton and Delphi Lasalle from Atomic BlondeBecause Lorraine would strike down my enemies out in the field secretly. I value her cunning intelligence, resourcefulness, and strength. And Delphi because I need lesbians in my life =P

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Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones, Also for security. I value her undying loyalty and strength. She is a true individual who marches to the beat of her own drum. She is independent and determined. 

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Enid from Ghost World, Her sense of adventure and art makes her valuable. We would get along great. She is super nerdy, too. A little lost inside and mentally scattered, as we deep types are wont to do. I identify with her, especially seeing an older man. (Also, she’s undeniably sexy.)

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Adult Wednesday AdamsThis web series was like eureka!! She is such an identifiable character as well. She’s independent and outspoken. Intelligent and insulting, cunning and deep. I like her dark sense of humor as well. 

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Raven from Teen TitansI admire her degree of mental control. I wish to attain the level of zen she is able to achieve through meditation. I like her dark spells and the concept of all her personalities being my friend would be fun, as if they were all running around the mansion. She also enjoys poetry and study so we would click.

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Alex Vause from Orange is the New Black, I have the hugest crush on her. Her lewd sense of humor and capacity for fucking up is something I can relate to unfortunately. Plus more lesbians, we discussed this.

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Khal Drogo and Danaeryus Stormborn from Game of Thrones, They are both very sexy and driven individuals. They were a beautiful team and it would please me muchly if the Khaleesi were to share her Khal with me *wiggles eyebrows*

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Louis Huang, He is the sweetest and nicest guy around. Any girl would be lucky to have him. One of the moments I remember most about him is that Jessica his wife said, “You really want me to have the things I want. I’m never going to get mad at you for that.” ❤ Be still my heart.

 

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TWD: Season 7, ep 11 review

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Who could have guessed??? I was dumbstruck at the end of the latest episode when I realized I had just watched a whole hour of fucking Eugene and *gasp* ENJOYED it? WTF? lol Negan’s world is like paradise to him, it’s uncanny how well he adapts to the new world he’s been shown. Hubby & I were particularly thrilled when he reeled off that old dumb lie, because it’s certainly served him well~ being part of the HGP.

I was interested to see, wondering who he would prefer to belong to? The world is certainly better for him in Negan’s world, strange as that may be. I was thrilled for him when he stepped up and took things because he could. It was shocking to see him develop a spine suddenly, and more than that, thrive in his new world.

It’s A Small World After All

Alternative title: Almost, But Never Was

The other day I went shopping at Wal*Mart and I ran into an old acquaintance. Of all people, I ran into Asta- Hakim’s Grandma. It was a pleasure seeing her. One thing I regret about discontinuing the friendships I had with my exes was my right to know about their loved ones~ Both Tyler (my first bf) and Hakim had grandmothers that I adored and they liked me, too.

Hakim’s family called her Dada, which is what I always knew and called her by as well. Seeing her was so weird and funny because it just reminded me of how different my life could have been. I kick myself every time I think about how I chose Joshua, the no-good drunk of my life, over Hakim, a perfectly stable and nice young man who loved me and missed me. He tried to get me back after we broke up, and I stupidly chose Josh thinking I was deeply in love.

Deeply deranged in the head, maybe.

If I had chosen Hakim back then, he would have likely became my husband instead. I love Jacob so very much, but I wonder sometimes how much happier I could have been with Hakim. Hakim and I were very similiar, that’s why we made a good couple. We were both sensitive people who enjoyed the same things, were spontaneous and liked to be involved in cool things. My relationship with him was easily one of the most stable relationships I ever had, and I miss those times sometimes. We had a lot of fun together. We had a lot of common interests.

We went out all the time. Hakim had a very good job and he drove a nice car. He was so sweet and thoughtful and generous. He bought people presents just because~ for no reason, he just wanted to spread cheer. The first date we ever had remains the best first date I ever went on to this day.

I suppose I’ve been thinking about it because I am slightly disappointed in some aspects of my marriage. I dislike how stagnant things are sometimes. Jake is stingy when it comes to going out. He refuses to go to expensive restaurants. In fact, the last nice place we went for dinner was an absolutely miserable date because he thought we might end up spending $60 on the  meal, including the tip amount *rolls eyes*

I crave the experience of dressing up and going out. I want to look nice and be on my husband’s arm, have him be proud to take me somewhere rather than grudging. I haven’t felt very attractive lately in his eyes either. I feel like I am starving for compliments and sweet endearments. I just want him to say nice things about me to me, and how pathetic is it when you have to ask???? No bueno.

Our sex life is pretty much in the same boat. We never do anything new, and it’s not my fault. I might be just a little too adventurous for Jake. And by that, I mean I actually enjoy and want to try different forms of foreplay but to him that would just be a big waste of time. He’s too impatient to get on to the sex, and I never feel wooed. Just pressured. Our sex is like clock work, something I have to do in a timely fashion before he freaks out that I haven’t offered. God forbid he spend some time making out with me or heavy petting me to put me in the mood, oh no.

He doesn’t kiss me passionately. He doesn’t stare into my eyes like he loves me. I know he does, I just sometimes wish he could be more expressive about things. S0metimes I feel like we lack intimacy since he rushes things so much.

We’re definitely comfortable together, though. We have fallen into a routine. Come home, smoke, eat until it’s time to have sex and go to sleep. We both love to eat. We eat out of boredom. We both have been known to binge eat. We both love playing on our computers and watching the same TV shows. I am happy. I have found what I was looking for when I first got together with Jake;

“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.”
Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

I needed someone who would never tire of me. I somehow got what I wished for; Jake is obsessed with me, I am his one and only. I am his wife and his best friend. Jake doesn’t like to spend time with anyone else, he has no other friends. I am his everything. He wants to be by my side always, literally. The only time I can be away from him is when I am at work. It gets tiring, but they do say “Careful what you wish for.”

Something Hubby and I have been doing it catching up on all the latest and greatest shows on TV. I feel like all the characters on Hulu are my friends now. These fictional characters took the place of my real friends. Lately we binge-watched the latest season of Walking Dead and I would be remiss if I didn’t share one of my favorite things from season 7:

TWD: Speculations

Of course, the question on everyone’s lips is: “Who does Negan kill?”

For those who were curious enough (me), if you look into it online in the comics then you know that Glenn is the one who gets it (gasp!!!) No way, he has survived so much already. So this is me hoping this is one of the ways AMC changes things so we’re not all mourning the coolest ex pizza delivery guy ever x_o

The Walking Dead:

(Yet. D:)

As for my own thoughts, I nominate Abraham! LOL It’s silly but I am still hatin’ on him for how he broke up with Rosita. Big jerk, he acts pretty reckless sometimes, too. I wouldn’t mind the loss of his character.

Gleggie Goodness appreciation post!

Happy Mother’s Day

depression

This is the most apt thing I’ve seen in a while.

How to Break a Broken Man by BattyNora
In Terminus, Gareth tells Rick that, as ringleader, he must pick one of the group in the train car to be sacrificed, but Rick refuses. Gareth attempts to convince Rick to choose by using Daryl, who has obviously already been beaten. To them it’s about enjoyment of causing people pain, both physical and mental, not about just getting food.

The Backcountry by silversundown
Survival horror, backwoods style: A weekend vacation to a tiny lakeside cabin turns out to be more than Carol bargained for. When Ed feels especially bad about a fight he takes her there to make up for it, but this time they aren’t the only ones roaming the woods. Faced with the real possibility of not surviving the trip Carol will have to make more than a few hard choices.


CAROL IS MY DARYL

In my perusal of the net lately, Carol has been getting a lot of shit!!! >o< WTF people? Bunch of haters. I absolutely love Carol and she is one of the shows most dynamic characters. She’s evolved into a stronger than steel woman from the poor battered wife she used to be.

When the group got to Alexandria and she posed as a timid woman to trick everyone about her cold and lethal viewpoint of the world, it was genius. She made it sound like she wasn’t brutal and ready to KILL. I thought some of her interactions with the annoying do-gooder Morgan were some excellent moments on TV. I was cheering on Carol as she tried to kill Morgan, because I believed more in what she believed- NO MERCY FOR YOUR ENEMIES. If they don’t kill them, they’ll come back to get them later. There will be no peace in letting your enemies live.

KEEP CALM AND
LOOK AT THE FLOWERS

I think it rattled Carol to step back into her timid self persona. She used this trick to pull the wool over the eyes of the Alexandria citizens and she and Maggie’s captors. She acted like she was a nervous nelly like she used to be, and maybe it did fuck her up, the poor thing. But she’s not a pussy now, guys!!! That’s what I keep seeing, people are disappointed/not understanding of her most recent actions in season six. She abandons the group, because she says she can’t kill for them anymore. Suddenly, she can’t bear to kill when she used to be the best at it, ruthless when she had to be.

Give Carol a friggin break, she held it together when she had to kill her adopted psycho daughter. I think she has been long due for a break down, so let her have it, people. She’ll wind back up with the others eventually. Carol always finds her way back.

So you need to come back from Kingdom.

Breaking Up in the ZA

I can’t help but feel like Rosita is getting the short end of the stick here. She seems to have come to rely on and expect Abraham to be around. They’re in a relationship, they lived and slept together. And he was needlessly cruel when he broke up with her, in what I deem to be his haste to get to Sasha.

I’m not hating on Sasha. Personally, I think she deserves a love interest after all this time and the shit she worked out (i.e. her suicidal feelings after her brother died) I didn’t think of Abraham as a likely candidate, but I do see their similarities.

Michael Cudlitz talked to Entertainment Weekly about the love triangle. He had this to say about Abraham in the situation-

It’s the zombie apocalypse. What, now there’s rules? No, look, he sees a lot of himself in Sasha, things that he has respected his whole life — the strength that she has on her own. I think in a lot of ways he feels like he’s protected Rosita, and he’s brought her to this point through training her, and here is someone that he’s looking at, and he’s seeing an equal who will call him on his bull. So he’s attracted to that. So, you know, we’ll see what that really evolves into.

“I think when characters have hope and they know that there’s a future, they reassess, and I think he’s going through a major reassessment right now knowing that. [Abraham] has sort of said, “Okay, this is where we are, and I’m not going to live any lies.” I’m going to move forward, and I’m going to do what I have to do.”

Be that as it may, from a woman’s perspective, Abraham was a real A-class asshole. Imagine the scenario- you’re about to storm a complex the next day and risk your life to rid yourself of a threat, and your lover walks out on you!!! Of course Rosita would want to be with him, she certainly had feelings for him. She made him that little red memento necklace, and Abraham carelessly left it behind. I felt sad watching it lay on the ground, unretrieved. I feel bad for Rosita, although she is getting the mayor’s son’s ass out of all this for her rebound so just how bad should we feel for her? (He’s an improvement, imo.)

Abe was just so damn mean. She stops him at the door before he can leave, and he grips her arms and says, “When I first met you, I thought you were the last woman on Earth, but you’re not.” >__< What an ass!! As if breaking up in itself isn’t horrible enough, knowing it’s for someone else makes it ten times worse.

Postsecret of the week:live

Contrary to this picture, I actually wish I could be going to therapy right now. The only problem with that is one) necessary funds and two) the willpower to make it to appointments. I have neither, but I aspire to someday.

I mentioned briefly to my fiance the possibility of attending Al Anon meetings again. I used to go for the problems I had with Joshua drinking, now I would like to return for my mother’s dependency on drugs. She makes me want to tear my hair out on a regular basis, just thinking of her, let alone actually seeing her.

I’ve been having to drive all over the state of Oklahoma in order to receive care for my many physical ailments. Most commonly, I am sent to the town of Clinton which is about 2 hours away from my home. I have to go all over the place for the free care of the Indian Clinics. They are extremely frustrating because when you’re sick, you’ll call for an appointment and they’re like, “Well we can see you 2-3 weeks from now.” *rolls eyes* Thanks for nothing!!

They have recently sent me to a specialist for one of my issues. I’m expecting to go to another in the near future, a urologist. On Monday, my fiance and I drove out to Lawton, Oklahoma and the whole trip was about a 6 hour process since we did not have a sturdy vehicle to make the trip, I had to borrow my Grandpa’s heavy duty F-350 to make the trip (which guzzles gas like no other.)

When we went to the clinic last week on Thursday, I had a hellacious day. My mother and I made the drive after I’d been awake all night for night audit and she blared the radio the whole way there, 1 1/2 hours. Then when we went to check in, the nurses had the gall to tell me that the doctor couldn’t see me due to an emergency surgery. I drove over an hour to be told the doctor couldn’t see me O_________________o I almost killed someone that day.

Anyway, finally got to see the doctor/OBGYN and I felt a lot better after speaking with him. My primary care doctor acts like my innards are a mystery and she has horrible bed side manner. This doctor seemed familiar with my problem and suggested birth control. He called it Mittelschmerz which is a fancy word for mid-cyclical pain. So next thing I know, I am being reclined on one of the seats in his office and they are numbing my arm up to shove a birth control device in my arm.

I’ve always been hesitant to be on birth control in the past. The only reason I agreed now is because this pain bites it hard. I never felt comfortable altering my hormones, and that is still the case. Let it be said that at the beginning of having this birth control inputted in my arm that I had recently lost 10 lbs and currently weigh 189 lbs. I worry about gaining weight and being an emotional mess- I mean, let’s face it, I don’t need any help in that department >_____>

What element is your love?

Your Love Element is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience.

You attract others with wit and a bit of flash.
Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you.

Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past.

You connect best with: Earth

Avoid: Fire

You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other

As for my TV shows, I’m catching up with both Once Upon a Time and The Walking Dead.

TWD: Season 6 spoilers!!!!

MY HEART!!!!!! T0T

My wonderful fiance purchased season 6 for me on Amazon prime. SQUEE!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED. I am even being nice and not jetting ahead of him in episodes. He actually knows more spoilers than I do at this point because he talks about it at work which I WISH I could. Anyway, we just finished watching episode 3 in which A TERRIBLE EVENT OCCURS!!! Look away if you haven’t watched it yet.

Glenn dies!! Because of that fucking pissant Nicholas. I could have told you last season that that asshole would be the death of Glenn. He made a grave mistake by choosing to let the little asshole live. He was trying to be a better person by helping out, which I am semi happy about, but STILL!!!!! My heart hurt so much with the death of Glenn. I immediately thought of Maggie, and she reacted pretty much like I thought she might. She was willing to go and look for him, to help him. I must say I was happily surprised that she is pregnant. At least that much of Glenn will live on *cries buckets*